[Omkazn]

I just wish to thank all those on this board that have given me advice. I just reached a mini-epiphany about what happened to me after listening to steve's Overcoming-Fear podcast. In his podcast, he talks about two methods of overcoming fear, one is where you build your courage up in a objectified reality and the second method of transcending fear by seeing it as a cue to examine your own beliefs in a subjective reality and you are primarily motivated by curiousity than by recklessness.

I realize now that this is EXACTLY what i did during that first semester. I went from fearing getting bad grades, fearing the consequences to examining the true nature of those fears. I remember being intensely driven by CURIOUSITY and a COMPLETE TOTAL lack of fear. I was feeling completely as i'd call it "plugged" in to the world. I felt as if i was consciously aware of other people's states, feelings, everything. I felt as if i had a 6th sense into their being as if i was staring at myself. It was a surreal feeling, and i remember running little tests, experiments on people, me being the only person conscious of what i was doing. I remember feeling like a scientist examining the world. And when that therapist left, i objectified him, b/c i saw him as a separate consciousness. To me, he didn't fit in with the rest of the world. I felt as if i was a god and he was a sort of a separate godlike figure, with equal consciousness and powers. Kind of like a New, SUPER parent has abandoned me as opposed to my "old" original parent's first abandoning me. I always knew my beliefs and thoughts were the root of my problem, but fear has a way of overwhelming your intellectual systems. I suppose only now i am able to grasp the true nature of my thought system.

I realize now that my counselor was very much like Steve in the way he speaks and talks and paints a picture. Its no wonder i stumbled upon this site, and everything makes so much so much sense as if i already knew this stuff. Now i get what my therapist was talking about when he said everyone having potential, the same potential, its just whether they want believe it or not.