[Omkazn]

Thank you for the advice Zhere.

My main frustration right now is not knowing where i stand. Coming into college, i knew where i stood, i was an underachiever, my grades were soso, i had one goal, to get better in every respect, grades, self-image, everything. So when i went to my therapist, my intention was very clear, everything i knew currently had to be thrown out and replaced, i had come to that conclusion and so it was very easy for me to assimilate and manifest.

After i stopped seeing my counselor, my belief system still told me that i knew everything that i needed to know, yet my external life circumstances kept deterioting. Its as if my mind is saying, i know how to fix you, but my belief system is saying, no you don't. There is a huge incongruency to what mind is saying and how i am actually living. What i don't know and this is my huge contention of frustration is what to throw out, what do admit to. I have no idea where i stand.

Am i still the underachiever that i was 2 years ago? No i am not
Am i capable of being a top achiever? yes I can

What is it then that is keeping me down? Is it my belief that my first therapist is the only person who can help me? Could it be some unusual attachment to him that was deeper than i thought? Could i have thought of him as someone more special or different than anyone else so when he left, i felt very alone?

I feel like i know whats wrong with me and know how to fix myself, but my external life circumstances manifest something else entirely, which leads me to a quandary.

Steve mentioned something about subjective reality and that you manifest everything and you intend everything, just how am i intending my life to be the way it is? I want my life to be the exact way it was during that first semester of college, but i do have to admit one thing, i never thought about living great without my counselor, i never considered how living on my own would affect me.