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Omkazn · 05-12-2007, 06:29 PM

Thanks for all the replies. I'd like to address some things i found interesting.

Shamou: I agree that self-image has a lot to do with my behavior, but the problem is that my doubts creeped in before i actually did anything in the second semester, it almost centered completely on the fact that my therapist left. I felt like i was abandoned, and lonely, but of course this felt incredibly irrational and unjustified, but yet the doubting thoughts kept coming and just kept peppering away at me.

Zhereford: thanks for the reply, and i agree that i do not take much credit for my transformation, but i do not know why, even though i tell myself i should and that i was responsible, my FEELINGS simply do not agree.

One of the most frustrating things about this is rationally i've investigated all the possible solutions and read a ton of books and understand that what happened to me was as much my doing as it was the therapist's. But the fact that i don't feel as i should tells me that perhaps my problem is emotional.

If i were to examine the definition of abuse, i'd say i was psychologically abused as well as mildly phyiscally. My parent's would also frequently argue and bicker, so there is some dissociation involved. I'd venture to guess that what happened to me is some form of emotional response, a repressed emotion of abandonment perhaps or just a feeling that felt familar?

This is the one area i can't make sense of or investigate or read up on. My emotions are like a wall of mystery, i don't feel like i did, i feel numb, distant, detached, dissociated. I don't know how to bring back the feelings. Its as if that first therapist hit some deep, big emotional points and made a bond with me somehow, kinda like a parent and then when he left, it felt like a parent left. Something to that effect.

A big question i have that still bothers me is Is my decline a result of Past emotional programming? Or simply has to do with incompetence with other therapists in dealing with such a situation or my own lack of knowledge on dealing with such a situation?

05-12-2007, 06:29 PM	#5 (permalink)
Omkazn Junior Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: San Jose Posts: 14	Thank you for all the replies Thanks for all the replies. I'd like to address some things i found interesting. Shamou: I agree that self-image has a lot to do with my behavior, but the problem is that my doubts creeped in before i actually did anything in the second semester, it almost centered completely on the fact that my therapist left. I felt like i was abandoned, and lonely, but of course this felt incredibly irrational and unjustified, but yet the doubting thoughts kept coming and just kept peppering away at me. Zhereford: thanks for the reply, and i agree that i do not take much credit for my transformation, but i do not know why, even though i tell myself i should and that i was responsible, my FEELINGS simply do not agree. One of the most frustrating things about this is rationally i've investigated all the possible solutions and read a ton of books and understand that what happened to me was as much my doing as it was the therapist's. But the fact that i don't feel as i should tells me that perhaps my problem is emotional. If i were to examine the definition of abuse, i'd say i was psychologically abused as well as mildly phyiscally. My parent's would also frequently argue and bicker, so there is some dissociation involved. I'd venture to guess that what happened to me is some form of emotional response, a repressed emotion of abandonment perhaps or just a feeling that felt familar? This is the one area i can't make sense of or investigate or read up on. My emotions are like a wall of mystery, i don't feel like i did, i feel numb, distant, detached, dissociated. I don't know how to bring back the feelings. Its as if that first therapist hit some deep, big emotional points and made a bond with me somehow, kinda like a parent and then when he left, it felt like a parent left. Something to that effect. A big question i have that still bothers me is Is my decline a result of Past emotional programming? Or simply has to do with incompetence with other therapists in dealing with such a situation or my own lack of knowledge on dealing with such a situation? Last edited by Omkazn; 05-12-2007 at 06:36 PM.