Quote:
Originally Posted by Saidin  Example: she gets stressed easily. When something bad happens, she only sees the problem. Without labelling it 'personal development' I try to get her to focus on the solution(s) instead of the problem. It helps her when I help her do this, but in all the years she's never been able to adopt this mindset herself. |
I'm in a similar situation. My SO also gets stressed easily and I wish she'd do something about it. But I quickly learnt that any suggestion to that effect just makes her
more stressed. Unless the individual in question is supremely comfortable within themselves, any suggestions from an SO (no matter how gently or considerately phrased) risk coming across as criticism.
Another term for "Personal Development" is "Self Development" - it can only work when it's
self-motivated.
IMO, the best you can do is to provide unconditional love and support so that she has the strength to pursue it herself one day, and to continue to (non-judgementally) model a better way yourself. (Yes, easier said than done and I'm not perfect at it).
It might help to look at this as a personal development challenge
for you - to learn to be supportive without judging, and to not let other people's stage of development irritate you. I'm certainly trying to handle it that way. (Again, easier said than done; I'm beginning to think it's something that requires deliberate conscious practice rather than 'just' willpower).
I'd like to end with a quote from the Dao De Jing:
"Therefore the Sage can act without doing anything and teach without saying a word."