[butterflyeffect]

We just had a huge party at my house for my sister's birthday. It turned out to be an amazing growth experience. Lol who knew partying was so good for the soul?

By helping get ready for the party and clean up afterwards I got to appreciate how much work goes into parties. I saw how upsetting it can be when people cancel at the last minute or act flakey and vague to see if they get a better offer. That in turn made me decide to be more upfront and definate when I agree to go to things. No more lame last minute excuses. Honesty is usually appreciated.

I also had alot of fun dancing. I got so many compliments on how I dance and it made me realise how special I was. I got to share that by dancing with other people and teaching others how to dance. I think sometimes people get so caught up in thier heads that thier bodies go stiff. Its about relaxing.

I realised that I am not really much of an alcohol person. I keep banging my head against the wall with this one. I keep trying alcohol and waiting for the magic effects. Honestly, I have more fun without it. I'm naturally bubbly and happy.

I have been able to see the impact of my anxiety on other people. When I get anxious and panicky I get aggressive and rigid and obsessive. So I will actively look for an outlet. The ED behaviors are just one outlet. So I can see now how frustrating it is to have someone obsessively trying to clean around your or hoarding things. I am just going to continue to try and meditate and bring that internal calm to myself. Its a process and I'm doing really well. I am really proud of myself but at the same time I take full responsibility for where I am at and my behaviors.


And lastly, my favourite thing I have learnt is offer hugs and let people cry. Let them talk. Don't interupt or give advice (I"m working on allowing people this space). Just hug them and be there. The rest isn't needed. People often ask for what they want. Its just a matter of reading the signs.