[ahimel]

At risk of scaring people, I have to ask...

2. Nuke.XML. Split your RSS feeds into two lists: those that help boost your productivity vs. those that taketh it away. Force yourself to unsubscribe from all the feeds in the second list. You won’t miss them. Just be sure this blog makes the first list.

I did this. It helped. The ones that made the list were the ones whose tips contributed more benefit in productivity than I lost in reading them. I didn't actually unsubscribe from the others - they're in a different tab on my Google homepage, for when I really do have time to kill and just want to surf the web.

3. Evil eye. Practice your best evil eye in a mirror, and use it liberally on anyone who enters your space to interrupt you.

Funny, yes, but I also had a coworker who would give me useless garbage work, and closed body language did cut down on that.

4. Vulcan logic. Ask for a part-time assistant by explaining to your boss that you’re being paid $25/hour to do $10/hour tasks, which is costing your employer a lot of money.

Not likely to be granted by an employer, but perfectly reasonable for a self-employed.

8. WoW.die.die.die. Give online gaming a rest, and re-invest that energy into your real life, which is probably suffocating beneath a pile of dead, smelly orcs.

My husband's real life is suffocating beneath a pile of dead, smelly orcs, and nothing much gets done.

10. Upgrade. Modernize your tools – a faster computer, a better PDA, a hotter girlfriend.

This doesn't need to be done as often as some people do it, and a trust the hotter girlfriend falls into the humor category. But when you're working on a computer that can't run Office 2003, and upgrade will boost productivity enormously.

12. Proactive. Just do it, and deal with the consequences later. It’s easier to request forgiveness than permission.

Maybe not ethical, but productive.

13. Polyphasic. Six naps a day keeps your laziness at bay. You can catch up on sleep when you’re dead. See Polyphasic Sleep for details.

17. Blockade. Slide a heavy piece of furniture in front of your office door. When drop-in visitors complain they can’t get in, tell them you’re refactoring your office for greater productivity.

This one I put into the "humorous" rather than "useful" category, but I have been tempted....

24. Armageddon. Use Overwhelming Force to totally dominate your problem. Treat your molehill like a mountain. Use a bazooka to kill a cockroach. Send a real human being to serve in Congress.

The text is funny, and the bit about the congressman was probably gratuitous, but the advice is still sound.

28. PMS. Accept the fact that you can still get your work done even when you’re pissed at everything.

It could perhaps be more tactfully labeled, but I think it's still a good point. Maybe Steve thinks it's funny because he has enough discipline to do work when it needs to be done, and enough enlightenment and equanimity to not get pissed very often. But for those of us with less emotional control, not stopping work just because we're having a bad day is a critical step.

So admittedly, out of 33, only 9 were actually useful to me. And none of those 9 is likely to be as generally useful to as many people or in as many situations as the first 66. But I don't know why they're "scary". Please explain.

It was a successful humor article, and I enjoyed it immensely. But that doesn't mean it can't also be useful.