Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - Picking Our Parents and Our Life Circumstances (Blog)

OlderWiser · 05-11-2007, 01:54 AM

Well, I've been thinking about this blog entry. I did a bit of meditation, and I slept on it. It's the best explanation I've seen so far. I'm not positive I believe it (this being no offence to anyone, I just don't adopt beliefs of this nature without a great deal of thought), but it does make very good sense.

I used to be extremely resentful that I had to be here on earth. I felt trapped in my body, weighed down by it, as if it kept me from being who I REALLY was. I probably couldn't have articulated that until recently, but that's how I felt. I also, in fits of severe depression, felt that God must hate me to send me away from him, to sentence me to life on that which I referred to as "this spinning mudball".

I'm happy to say that after some pretty intensive (and painful) healing, depression isn't an issue for me any more, and I know for sure that God does NOT hate me, and that I wasn't sent here as punishment. I still occasionally resent being here, but mostly I accept that I'm here for a reason, and that the things that have happened in my life were for a reason, and that I've got stuff to do, so I may as well do it...

I'll have to think about this more. It kind of makes sense to me. I've always believed I was with God before I was here on earth, and I've always wondered why on earth God gave me to the pair of idiots who are, unfortunately, my parents (they're extremely toxic, highly dysfunctional, and were abusive, neglectful, and did a great job filling me with every kind of fear you can imagine). I have forgiven my parents because it's in my best interest to do so, and I've cut all ties to them, physically and otherwise, but it has always puzzled me that a God who loves me could hand me to them to abuse.

The notion that I accepted the "assignment", so to speak, does take some of the sting out of it, though I have the idea that I didn't really accept it willingly. Maybe I did and my fear and pain were so extreme that I just wanted ANY way out that I could find, I dunno...

I'll have to meditate on it more. Erin, thanks for the blog post. Whether or not I ultimately agree or whatever, it's been excellent food for thought and meditation.

05-11-2007, 01:54 AM	#17 (permalink)
OlderWiser Retired Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 664	Well, I've been thinking about this blog entry. I did a bit of meditation, and I slept on it. It's the best explanation I've seen so far. I'm not positive I believe it (this being no offence to anyone, I just don't adopt beliefs of this nature without a great deal of thought), but it does make very good sense. I used to be extremely resentful that I had to be here on earth. I felt trapped in my body, weighed down by it, as if it kept me from being who I REALLY was. I probably couldn't have articulated that until recently, but that's how I felt. I also, in fits of severe depression, felt that God must hate me to send me away from him, to sentence me to life on that which I referred to as "this spinning mudball". I'm happy to say that after some pretty intensive (and painful) healing, depression isn't an issue for me any more, and I know for sure that God does NOT hate me, and that I wasn't sent here as punishment. I still occasionally resent being here, but mostly I accept that I'm here for a reason, and that the things that have happened in my life were for a reason, and that I've got stuff to do, so I may as well do it... I'll have to think about this more. It kind of makes sense to me. I've always believed I was with God before I was here on earth, and I've always wondered why on earth God gave me to the pair of idiots who are, unfortunately, my parents (they're extremely toxic, highly dysfunctional, and were abusive, neglectful, and did a great job filling me with every kind of fear you can imagine). I have forgiven my parents because it's in my best interest to do so, and I've cut all ties to them, physically and otherwise, but it has always puzzled me that a God who loves me could hand me to them to abuse. The notion that I accepted the "assignment", so to speak, does take some of the sting out of it, though I have the idea that I didn't really accept it willingly. Maybe I did and my fear and pain were so extreme that I just wanted ANY way out that I could find, I dunno... I'll have to meditate on it more. Erin, thanks for the blog post. Whether or not I ultimately agree or whatever, it's been excellent food for thought and meditation.