Join Date: Aug 2008
Day 256 - September 15, 2010
It is 256 days since January 1st - the day that I first met BP. And it is about 3 months and 13 days since my last burst of massive achievement. This has been the most amazing year so far, but it's about to kick back into high gear again. For the past 4 months, I haven't been as active as I'm used to.
Yes, I've done some stuff like passed insurance tests, gotten certain goals, and done some really amazing things with my mind, but the main reason that I haven't been able to fully go on all 6 cylinders is because I lacked the means to support myself financially. I set massive goals for myself because I believed that I could do them. I could, and still can, but because I live in a world where money is required to play, I wasn't able to get to where I needed to.
It was the equivalent of having the right "password" to get to a new level.
Some people might say, "You don't need money to make money"...eh, you need SOME money to make money. But still, anything can happen in this world. I digress...
Tomorrow, this all changes.
For the first time in a while, everything is coming together bit by bit. I've planned EVERYTHING out that I want to do whenever I start getting my money, and now it's just a matter of making it happen. Whenever I start getting into a VERY active state, I have a supreme rush of adrenaline which basically shuts down my ability to think clearly and project myself into the future. However, I'm able to follow "lists" and get amazing things done, so it's a balance. It's creativity vs action.
I have a fear that I'll take TOO much action and get burned out from this. However, I plan on mixing my work with my play. I have a mission which is greater than everything else. And for me, I know that whenever I have a true mission, something that I TRUELY care about...I make it happen. This adventure has taken me to places that I would've never gone before, I've met people that I've never would've dreamed of meeting, and I've done things that have even amazed myself.
Even writing this note, I feel the same emotions of presence and centeredness that I've felt whenever I'm on my path. It feels as if though the past couple of weeks have just been me waiting for this day. Simply because once I've started today, I have NO MORE EXCUSES. I'm ON and it's just a matter of me making a new plan, establishing what it is that I want, and making it happen even more.
I feel like I'm planning a mutiny. I'm rebelling against my parents simply because I know that I need to leave them. I can't stay here anymore, and I understand that I need to go back to making decisions on my own. Even though it's ALOT more difficult for me to live on my own, it's a lot more fun, and internally, a lot more rewarding.
What is on my heart right now? 95% positive emotions such as empowerment, passion, love, and appreciation - courage also. 5% fear of me saying, "What if this doesn't work out for me?"
Well, I've been guided along since Day 1 and I have a strong feeling that this is the next step on the path. I've had plenty of time to regain my composure from the last year of just going out, socializing, and being extroverted 24/7. Now, with batteries recharged, I'm ready to take my life to the next level.
I already know what the plan that I have in my head is. Tomorrow, I learn the specifics of how I can make it work. I'm appreciative for everything that has happened so far. Morely, I fall into a deep admiration for myself because of the tremendous amount of courage that I've had in the past. The decisions that I've made are decisions that I made not knowing the outcome, but I TRUSTED that everything would work in my favor through me taking action and making things happen. I'm appreciative that I didn't listen to other people when they said that "it couldn't be done" or that I'm "taking the wrong path". But quite honestly, a lot more people have been EXTREMELY supportive. In fact, there have been more people that support me than have tried to despairage me.
What is the reason for this? The first thing that comes to mind is just the fact that I've been a nice guy to them and I actually like people for who they are. But then, I have to think a little bit deeper...soul level deep.
At the deepest part of my core, the deepest fiber of my being, I know that I'm going to be successful at whatever I do. There's no question about it. I know that if I want, I can be the best at anything. Right now, I'm in it to win it, but I'm not in it to be the "world's best". I'm just in it to live my life, be as fulfilled that I can, and follow my Path. If I get to become the "world's best", then that's awesome. But if I lose that title, I'll STILL be okay!
As of late, I've been comparing myself to an airplane. Everything has started with an idea. Probably about 4 or 5 years ago around this date, I read Napoleon Hill's "Think and Grow Rich" and I learned that through Imagination and belief, we can do ANYTHING that we want. We truly CAN "Conceive, believe, and achieve". Five years ago, those seeds were planted in my mind and they are beginning to come to fruition. Even though they took ALOT of time to sprout and there have been many false starts, the roots were ALWAYS growing.
Back to the airplane...
I've spent my time learning the "theory" about how to fly, how the design works, I've spent time designing the plane myself, I've been reading about how to perfect my technique, and I've learned and memorized the checklists and procedures. All the "head knowledge" is there and I have the maps and the destination that I'm trying to get to.
In the past year, I've taken that training to another level and I've started "flying in the test simulator". I've crashed, but I've also landed successfully a lot. I finally know the controls - they are in my muscle-memory. I see how things work in the cockpit, and I have a better idea of what to do. I'm starting to see my head-knowledge come into play. Also, I've personally witnessed little innuendos about how my plane works that were never mentioned in the manual.
The 3 months have been my plane at the gate doing the turnaround. It's prepping for takeoff - the food, the crew, and everything else is getting ready. The passengers are set and ATC has just cleared me for pushback.
Right now, right this second, I'm pushing back from the gate and I'm on the taxiway. The engines are slowly turning on, but I'm ready to go. I've prepared for everything that I've done and I'm ready.
Fortunately, there are no clouds right now, conditions are fair, and I'm the only plane at the airport. I've got the all clear.
I'll have more to write about this tomorrow, but I'm extremely thankful for everything and everyone. I've dodged some massive bullets to get where I am, but it's my journey and I'm thankful for it.