[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by themaster

Yes, I know your confused.. I don't blame you.. it's like you have a "hearing" deficiency.. and sometimes only 1% of what I say gets through..

It isn't that only 1% gets through, it's that we just disagree. I hate when people say stuff to me like, "nevermind, you aren't getting it." No, it isn't that, it's just that I don't agree. I get what you're saying, but I don't see it that way and it just appears I misunderstand.

Validate when you create, validate yourself for being a good person.. I mean like yourself.. every time you catch yourself.. I just spent 20 minutes read the master.. but goddamit I could spent those 20 minutes on my all-consuming/unending job situation.. instead if you catch yourself giving yourself flack! Consciously right then and there.. validate that's not true.. you’re a good person And only you need to know it.. not me.. (pretty damn teary for some reason.. either talking to you or listening to the soundtrack to "the hudsucker proxy")

I never said I was a bad person or that I didn't like myself, YOU'RE saying that I'm saying that. If I really hated myself that much I wouldn't be alive right now. I know I'm just held back by my circumstances, but this doesn't make me a bad person.

I wouldn't be ashamed to hide it away.. just sharing this info about YOU with them.. would eventually make your life/journey easier.. hiding as you are.. doesn't help you..

Many of us HIDE cause were afraid.. of what others think, of pain in the past.. being slapped, hit or told were wrong!

That's why we hide! That's why I hide.. that's why you hide.. (also I like hiding or don't mind it in that.. I'm still building a stability platform of I'm untouchable.. I'm safe all the time.. it's being built it's already very solid now.. but could always use a little more work.. yah know? )

I hide mostly because I am too different from everyone else. My thoughts and beliefs and ideas are so different that in order to have conversations with people, I have to be fake. I have to pretend I'm interested in something or keep my mouth shut regarding my beliefs. I also hide because it takes my energy away being around people for too long. I feel myself when I'm alone. It has nothing to do with liking myself or not, because I talk to people the entire time I'm alone, on the internet. I'm not afraid to let them see me for who I am.

How's that focusing on the job going?? Ohh.. right.. not done yet..

Well I did get 2 of them in the last 9 months, that's more than most unemployed people can say.

Your stating here in plain text.. the spiritual/loa journey is useless and doesn't work! (this comes from reading all the books and then saying it doesn't work)

And then I ask again, again.. why bother? (4th or 5th time I've actually asked this question.. )

I didn't say these things don't work, I said they haven't worked for ME. I still believe in them, I'm still interested in them. I can't just turn off my interest. I always have this tiny bit of faith that a perfect life is possible for me. Even when I say things like "I see no future for myself", I still don't want to give up that easily. I say a lot of things where at the moment I felt them but of course it fluctuates, it goes in phases.

Come on! I've said this also to you before.. practice in the bathroom, practice when it doesn't count, practice when you’re walking/biking/driving to work..?? Practice when you just WISH you could practice!!

The only reason you don't have time for it.. is cause of your EGO that all dominating thing in your brain running in IMBALANCE.. keeping you in IMBALANCE... really say to your EGO.. I need some damn, balance please!

I don't know any other way to word this I cannot multitask with things like this. You can't meditate while you're writing out bills, can you? You can't ground yourself while you're getting ready for work or trying to catch up on forums! I can't do my job search and get all frustrated and then quickly switch modes so I can do some spiritual work and then have my phone ring and get frustrated dealing with my dad...I need a lot of time to adjust to things. I don't even like planning more than one thing for each day. I don't like calling someone unless I know I have an hour or two free where I won't get distracted. I need to have a buffer of time in between each thing I do. I can't even go to bed until after I've wound down from whatever I was just doing. I take a long time to get going and a long time to slow down. So injecting a little spiritual work in here and there would be just like reading a page out of a book while you're in the middle of trying to cook dinner, you aren't going to really get into it, you'll probably forget what you read, and your mind won't even register the words because you are trying to remember how long your dinner has been in the oven for.

Honestly, if I were the president.. I'd take a conscious breath.. sit back chill.. I wouldn't let "circumstances" effect me..

A good leader doesn't fly off the handle.. he's relaxed, confident, agile, swimming in the see of chaos.. cause that's his job!

You see we are talking about a "philosophy" here.. a mindset.. of pure clarity and ease.. and not letting the outside circumstances/world effect you..

I could throw any example at you and you would say "I wouldn't let it bother me." I give up.

And every time I say to you rockchick "don't let the outside effect you!" "you say but the outside is my problem!" and I say no.. the "the inside" is your problem.. building that wall that says "the outside is not important" is your problem!

But to me, it's more important to fix things as quick as possible, especially when you have pressing matters that will hurt you in the long run if you don't fix them now (health related, legal matters), so that's why I am so worried about hurting those things, and that's why I feel like anything else can wait, for now.

Another thing I wanna say about the President scenario...so you're saying he should learn Spanish, but if he focuses only on learning Spanish so he can fix his problems, he will have to drop everything else to focus on Spanish, otherwise he won't learn very well because he will be too busy dealing with his missing child and dead wife and the war that is his responsibility. So, he takes 3 months off to learn Spanish, in the meantime he hasn't properly grieved his dead wife, there are investigations going on that he was supposed to be there for, his child is now dead because he didn't help try to find her, and his country is taken over by foreigners because he wasn't there to tell his troops what to do. All because of this Spanish that could have waited.

Keyword here "survive" that's your EGO.. if you’re in survival mode even 1/10th you’re in a EGO mode..

The survival instinct is part of the EGO!? That's a first to me. Well every human wants to survive, when you take away everything, that's everyone's basic need. Now you've just lost me with this ego thing and I completely disagree. If someone was lost in the desert and was near death from starving and not having water, would you tell them, "You don't need water or food, that's just your ego talking!"

Your EGO as is mine is active as you write/read this.. it's there inside maybe even pulling up the words you write in a collective internal process It's there it always is.. I'm not telling you to call it bad.. I'm asking you to look at/observe yourself for your behaviors

The fear behavior.. observe it.. the "I can't do this" observe it.. the "I'm afraid to go to the bathroom around others" observe it!

Take a step back! Reach for a higher place and perspective.. if you would choose to observe yourself like a scientist.. you'd find a lot out about yourself! (emotional self, says "hello")

I am more like a scientist than anyone I know! All I do is analyze myself and my life and my options! But there is a reason why we have perception of things, so we can do something about them. We have feelings for a reason, to alert us to something that needs our attention. You can't just sit back and say, "Ha! I've gained so much weight from sitting around that now I have diabetes, how interesting! Maybe I'll sit back and observe myself for the next year and see how long it takes my toes to fall off!"