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Originally Posted by elucidate  That's highly possible.
I think I did feel a little like my own goals were being called crappy, and perhaps that was my own judgment of them?
I want a new place to live that is my own apartment...as I've been unwilling to work 40 hours a week to be able to afford to live on my own since I was 20...that's what I wanted . To have my own place as a base, so I could travel.
As I'm very sensitive, I didn't think that I could handle, and didn't want to work 5 days a week from 9-5, as I'm sure you understand. So I have had to compromise and live with so many different people over the years, some stable, others not so stable...all to be able to get to a point where I could manage to get my own place...which is only now beginning to seem like it's possible to me.
So yeah, it did seem a bit harsh to me that you would call it a crappy boring thing...though maybe it is? I don't feel particularly excited about having my own place anymore. I used to when I was younger, and now I'm just sort of accepting that I have to live with people the rest of my life or until I can get some sort of business going to make enough.
I want to travel all over the world, and that is slowly becoming a reality for me...but I feel like I do need a base to start from. Maybe not a house as such, but somewhere I can come back to when I'm done wandering. Not forever, just in between. I feel like I want to experience this.
I don't want a mortgage, and I've been working on myself for years to train my mind and whatnot...ala LOA to remain open to the universe helping me find a place just for me...as I'm not the sort of person who likes sharehousing...but have had to settle for it due to finances.
I did write down before though an old creative intention of mine, which was to write a script for a play, which made me feel energized, though I have no idea what it will be about. Writing and scriptwriting and painting is pretty much where my passions lie.
I suppose I have been judging my goals. |
Yo luci. Haven't read this whole thread but wanted to weigh in.
I hear you re: sensitivity. I've been reassessing things lately for similar reasons, or sorta similar. But ya know, I'm finding I can do the full time schedule.
I just end up with that sensitivity burnout around lunch time, from the level of stimulation so the remaining part of the day isn't 100% fun for me. (I actually didn't even realize this is what was going on until the pattern clicked in my mind today.) But I also take time when I can, to plant my feet on the grass and just be, and this renews me. My work provides opportunities for me to do that in the middle of the day, or almost whenever I want to, while I'm on the job.
Plus I think about the money I'm making and the people I'm helping (even if I'm sorta encouraged to just 'go through the motions' due to circumstances - so confusing too, with the company line being expressed that's so counter to the unspoken realities)...
My point is, full time as a sensitive is possible to do. It just means you spend half the workday on the tired side. It's not a full-blown burnout either, like I wouldn't say it is anything at all like what most people mean by that term. It's the sort that goes away once you get off work and have time to recharge.
Full time as a sensitive is possible. Even more so when you're using an attitude that connects to this. (As in, if I was going through my day thinking, oh nooooo more to do, more demands, oh noooo my nervous system is about to burn out and I'm gonna be tired the rest of the day... I'm not sure I *could* keep doing it. Because I'd set up a big fat loop like that.)
Right now I am reevaluating things, but from the frame of Do I WANT to continue this road. Not the frame of Can I continue it. Because I can. I would imagine you could as well, if you wanted to consider this as an option. (I'm not suggesting you do that, by the way. Just bringing up the sense that I've learned through personal experience that a 40-hr workweek as a sensitive individual is doable. My particular work involves a lot of running around and dealing with grumpy folks and having to change my plans and, well, it's doable even with all of that. If you chose to do data entry at the clinic for forty hours a week it would probably not be that bad even with sensitivity. If you wanted to...)
Just wanted to chime in as a fellow sensitive who is doing the forty hour workweek and I'm still in one piece. Takes some adjusting of course, as with anything. Mindfulness helps. And it helps to schedule in renewing activities, whatever those might be. No one else will do it.
If I weren't so self-aware I might take the mini-burnout out on people but of course, it's not their fault. Even if they do something that makes things more complicated for me - it's not THEIR fault that my resources are distributed differently and that the system is not designed to be naturally supportive for sensory stimulation. It's also not their fault that I'm so in tune and connected that their vibes are really loud to me and that makes me feel sometimes like I'm just doing the social dance instead of being genuinely thrilled to connect with them. (I have been able to use natural light instead of the fluorescent lighting, which is nice.)
Actually reading this thread, I found myself inspired by the idea to feel genuinely excited to talk with people at any point in the day, even in the afternoon when my body is asking for a break, instead of phases where I pick up on the want-something-from-you and get inwardly reactivish.
I'm not sure that is an achievable goal, though.
It probably moves away from self-acceptance. I think instead it would help to consider what purpose there is in this nature and how I can move with it for win/win... which I think I'm doing anyway.
So just wanted to throw that out there, in case it might be helpful as you weigh your options.