Bonnie, if I were you I would work on getting in conscious contact with my guides and higher self. Read my two blog entries here: Erin Pavlina’s Blog » Blog Archive » How to Meet your Higher Self Erin Pavlina’s Blog » Blog Archive » Spirit Guides: Who are they and how do you connect with them?
Let them guide you. To use an analogy, your radio is on but the channel is changing on its own. In time you will learn to tune in to the channel you want to hear. You will be able to leave the lower frequencies behind and only hear the higher ones.
But let your guides guide you. I'll bet they'd be very excited to see you.