Most of those really resonate with me as well. I don't have an ED, but I really tend to relate to a lot of what you write.
Want to try a rather unorthodox experiment and see how it goes? I'm kind of curious if what has worked for me for one thing might work for someone else with something else.
The lables I used to give myself were: introverted and depressed.
About two years ago now (wow, can't believe it's been that long
), I made the decision that I would NEVER use the word "depression" to describe myself ever again. I wasn't going to completely disregard the *feelings* that I felt, not at all actually, I just was never going to use the word "depressed" to describe my state again. I would choose other words such as "I'm feeling a bit down right now" or "I'm feeling kind bummed."
And an interesting thing has happened....after spending a good 15 years being depressed, I haven't been depressed since. And that's been 2 years ago. I've had bad days. I've felt crummy and sad. But it hasn't been that all pervasive feeling of bleakness that I was feeling before.
So, I ask you a question...would you like to try a similar experiment with your eating disorder? I'm not asking you to disregard the way you feel in any given moment (in fact, I encourage you to embrace it and express it as you have been doing). I'm asking you, though, if you are will to do a 30 day trial where you similar do not use the words "eating disorder" (or bulimia) to describe yourself. If in a moment you are engaging in the behaviors that the ED does, use some other way to describe what is happening.
I would love to see what 30 days of removing that label from yourself might do for you. And, if after 30 days you decide you want the label back, you can have it back if you want. Are you willing to set it aside for 30 days just to see what happens? If not, that's ok. I'm just asking out of curiosity to see what might happen. Something different to try (that most conventional sources might write off as "rubbish."