[Trina]

There. Not meaning to provoke you or anything, but here we see that your initial reaction, being it instinctive or socially instilled, was to go out with a jerk.

Absolutely, to a point. I was SO young and immature then, so my priorities were completely backwards. Also, I didn't know he was a jerk. I was blinded by the cool guy exterior. I don't think that girls can help that anymore than guys can help turn into blubbering idiots around beautiful women. It takes experience to overcome those things. It seems to me that it's natural and normal for the good looking jerk to be the learning experience that helps you figure out what you want and don't want in a partner. You look at someone and you can tell the second you lay eyes on them what you like about them physically. It takes time to get to know someone to find out what you like about their personality. People can lie about what kind of a person they are (who doesn't put their best foot forward?), but you can't lie about the way you look if the other person has working eyeballs. I think that's why it works the way it does. It can't help but work that way. It's not the JERK part that is automatic, it's the good looking part that is. Unfortunately they go hand in hand too much of the time.

And let's not forget the power of hormones. They aren't exactly easy to resist.

Smart move indeed. But see, once Adam starts doing non-geek stuff, like caring for fashion and style, or going to the gym, or socializing more, or whatever, he stops being a geek by definition. He's now a cool guy, with a geek past. Heh. Reminds me of someone.

I don't think he stops being a geek. I don't think I have the same dictionary as you do. LMAO. I think being a geek is about where your interests lie, where your heart is. He will always love computers, think like a computer, be entirely too wrapped up in technology, have random piece of code running through is head, draw parallels between his own life and some random Monty Python or Douglas Adams reference, etc. Talking about cars and matching his clothes doesn't change that. I have realized as I have gotten older, that ALL guys are some brand of geek/nerd/dork. Every single one. It doesn't matter how much primping or macho manly car talk and ball scratching they do. They are all dorky/geeky/nerdy little boys inside. Some of them are just better at hiding it on the outside.

But Adam had a different factor: you. Adam changed because of you, and now you say other girls are attracted to him, because of the change you made in him.

Other geeks will not have that luck, because they won't have that "special charm" Adam has, it being his looks or his sense of humour or whatever it was that made you connect with him. So the majority of Adams out there will not get their Trinas, and they will remain geeks and unattractive to the majority of girls, unless they change themselves.

You don't know Adam that well yet do you? He does NOTHING he doesn't want to do LOL. If he did, he wouldn't be a geek in the first place. He would be a jock or a muscle man or something. Whatever is cool. LMAO. He didn't change for me. He resisted it for a LONG time. Finally, the only reason he changed is because he figured out that changing and actually matching his clothes or styling his hair got HIM ahead and got HIM more respect. I planted the idea, but he had to figure it out on his own.

I think everyone has something special about them. Adam didn't have some special quality just shining through that I couldn't ignore. In fact, I was going to end it with him the same weekend he proposed to me because his clingy "I can't believe I have a girlfriend" stuff was driving me completely bonkers. His sister begged me not to break up with him, and of course I am glad that I didn't. But I can't give him credit for having something special most geeks don't have. He was like every other geek having problems getting the girl. LOL.

Translation: had Adam looked like a non-geek, he would have got girls. Here, here, I think we are into something...

Well, not exactly... LOL. He did get girls before, but they weren't good people. I don't think that had anything to do with him being a geek though. No "geek = mean girlfriend cuz that's all you can get". He just got unlucky. I am the proof that isn't true. LOL. I don't think it's necessarily that he would have to be a non-geek per se. He still wears "Chicks dig Unix" shirts and walks around with a palm pilot clipped to his side all the time. It's that he makes an effort to look good. Girls want a guy that is going to at least try to look good for them. A guy that is going to make an effort to be the best they can, and since looks are the first thing you notice, not caring about appearance is a red flag that they may not care about anything else (except computers of course). It makes their minds immediately go to the whole "It's obvious they are way too into computers because they don't take care of themselves, so I know they will never care about me enough to take care of me" thing. Girls are BIG on making an effort in relationships, and they try really hard to make themselves as desirable as they can for their men, and want their men to do the same. After all, sex is a pretty big part of romantic relationships. LOL.

You have to remember, guys look at a shirt and think "It smells clean, I will wear it." Girls look at the same shirt and think of how that shirt will effect every other part of their lives. LMAO.

The moral of the story is: if you were blessed with good lucks, you'll get girls no matter what. But if you don't want to depend on luck, you need to do your work. Hoping that girls will "wake up" and "realize" what they've been missing won't get you too far.

Well, yeah. But more like, if you are blessed with good looks you will get the girl, but unless you have the personality you won't keep her. If you aren't blessed with good looks you may have to work harder getting her, but once you do, you will have her for life. If you don't have either one, you are screwed. LOL.

Would you have liked Adam more if he had changed on his own? and, do you have problems with the thought of Adam being changed by you? Do you consider this trait unattractive in him, or is not a problem for you? (I say this because most women find unattractive a man that lets them change him).

Well, like I said before, *I* didn't really change Adam. He is still the same person he was. He didn't change his personality. The things that he did change, yes I had a hand in, but I didn't force his hand. He fought me at first, and once the seed I planted took root he did it on his own. Not for me, but for him after I suggested it. I just realized that if I wanted to change anything, it would be easier for me to change the outside than the inside, because a man would be more likely to let his outside change than his inside. And it was, but not because *I* changed it, but because HE did. Does that make any sense??

Girls are weird about changing a man. I have no problems with Adam changing because he didn't do it in a desperate attempt to keep me. He did it because he saw that what I was trying to do was in an effort to HELP him and not to make him into something he wasn't. If he was changing every time I said I liked something just to make me happy, hell yeah it would be unattractive. Just like if he refused to even consider change because he was afraid he would look whooped by his woman. Women just want to know that men will do what it takes to make them happy without losing themselves in the process. It's not going to change who you are to make small changes to your wardrobe if your girlfriend thinks you look really good in something. It is going to change who you are if you will only wear something if your girlfriend approves of it. Make sense?