Hello,
I am in hopes that someone out there will have either experience or insight to this situation. I really need some impartial input.
My boyfriend, who I have known for 9 years has been in prison for the last two years. The circumstances around his arrest and incarceration were devistating to us but we have managed to keep our relationship intact for the last two years. I have worked over time the whole time he has been away so that I could afford the travel expense of visiting, the daily collect phone calls, the care packages and what ever it takes to show him that we are "ok" and that he is loved unconditionally. He is 6 hours away. I have been his only support through this horrible time. His family does not extend themselves to him at all.
The problem is that, now he is due home in 2 1/2 months. I don't understand why, but the closer it gets to his release, the harder it gets for us. We have more disagreements and mis-understandings. The tension just seems to build. I thought that by this time things would be easier and smoother and we would be excited and planning for his return home.
For the last 4 or 5 months I have not been getting regular hours at work. I work as an agency nurse and I can be cancelled with very little notice. As an agency nurse when you are cancelled, you are not paid. There is no cusion of vacation hours or personal time to cash in and fill the financial gaps. This has of course affected everything. Money is very tight. I have managed to keep the collect phone calls going for the most part, but the 6 hour, 350 mile weekend trips have suffered greatly. Though we talk every day, I have not been able to visit in 3 months. My boyfriend is taking this very personally. He questions whether or not I truly want to visit. Despite my recently getting a 40 hour a week job as a staff nurse, I still can't visit because I have to be able to catch up on bills here at home before I can spend money on a hotel and gas to make the trip to see him. I know that these guys who become incarcerated learn to question things, they have very little trust, and the majority of relationships do not survive. It is just a sad fact. If the act of crime doesn't destroy the relationship, often the jail or prison time will. I just need someone to give me insight on this. I need to know if I'm over reacting because I am devistated that he would have any question in his mind about my devotion to him and our relationship. Is this a phase? Will it pass? Should I just hang in there? Will he see by my steadfast devotion that I intend to see this through? I am so confused, I thought this would be a happy time for us and it is almost as stressful as the very beginning was.
