[Mark24]

I think more than anything InJoy it's re-building my life you see before all this happened I had a drinking problem and as a result of that became very ill, this came about because I lost my job a long time ago I walked out I had enough of the place and went on a downward spiral, the way my health went was up and down all over the place, I had some quite frightening experiences when I went out even though I was told I should feel ok, so in the end I shut down and withdrew from everything and stayed where I felt safe.

Now this has happened and my health has improved somewhat Im sort of thinking is there anything out there for me having not worked for such a long time, being out there how I was before just the thought of it makes me feel fearful perhaps it's because you don't know how things will go, but when I have been out of work before to some degree alcohol was always in the background somewhere I suppose it helped blot out the situation I was in but the last time I just lost control and just kept drinking until I became ill. You see I have been in and out of work all my life I was sacked once and have lost lots of jobs in the past and in some respects feel like a bit of a failure, you could say you see when employers look at my CV it shows a bumpy road of a career, the longest I have ever worked was two years.

And now you see I'm wondering where do I go from here in a way now I feel like I am living in a dream
I just feel as though Iv'e lost interest in life altogether I think about doing things but nothing happens it's like Im just not interested at all I have always had a problem with motivation why I don't know.

What does writing a post like this say about me does it take courage to open your soul to the whole world ?

Thanks for reading this anyway.

I even thought about doing a blog around getting my life back on track but wasn't sure what I could write about or if anyone would read it.