O.K. I guess I wasn't clear.
I have to apologize to everyone. I'm not just sitting on the couch, or sitting on a rock in the middle of the ocean thinking my bank account will magically grow. I actually have a job waitressing but I've been doing it forever (20 years) and this year, I decided to cut back to part time, take out a big loan and figure out something else to do with my life. My loan is down to about nothing literally at this point and I don't make enough to cover the bills that are coming.
I've spent the last year focusing really really hard on doing something that I love. I've read countless books and articles to help me decide which direction I want to take. Most people never have or take the time to do so and I feel blessed that I made that decision. I've decided through much trial and error that I want to do something right now that will earn me an income so that I can ultimately run a fund for environmental philanthropy that is backed with my financial abundance. This will take a multitude of money but I'm determined and I do believe. The "answer" on how to raise those funds has come to me in a multitude of ways. I want to have many things going on. Real estate investments, I want to write a childrens book, I'm going to have a website for skiers, and several other ideas.
However, my money has run out and the option I have is to believe the universe will back me up on my plan, or start working a buttload and in my gut, like I mentioned I think that's the easy way out and will only prolong being scared. Honestly, when I found out my bank account would be in the negative zone by this Monday, I have had to dig really deep to see perhaps why I haven't been able to manifest the money as of yet. I realized that I had a fear of the responsibilities I thought would come with it and deep down afraid of growing up. I have faced up to that fear and many others the last few days and know I'm finally ready to get things going. I also have learned pretty darn quick how to better live in the moment b/c I don't want to miss anything. I'm grateful for these 2 things alone. Apparently, I needed a kick in the pants to really see what was going on.
Anyway. Like I said, I'm definitely not lazy. I actually work so hard during the day that sometimes I have to tell myself it's o.k to relax and recently, I've been meditating b/c I think I was working too hard with no results. I thought visualizing and meditating might make things more clear rather than beating myself up over "not getting enough done in a day". I'm just tired of worrying and living in fear. Does that make any more sense? Sorry about the confusion (especially to Shamou:-).
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