I think about being a model and the whole world lights up. I cannot wait to go get well and pursue it. I can't think of anything I would rather do. It is inspiring. I want it. I love the lights, the drama and the whole scene. I love the process, the advertising, the photography. I spend hours playing with magazines, tearing out the pictures and collaging them on my wall and imagining its me.
I think I could be so good at it. I love selling, I love people and I love giving. I would be an inspiration to young girls and a postive role model for good body image. I'll get it and be able to show them a way to love yourself. I love my body and I want it to be healthy. It took a long time getting there but now I love myself and I just want the best for my body.
It is truly an inspiring possibility. I got to experience a fashion shoot in the hospital. I organised a fashion shoot with all the girls, one of the girls was a professional photographer and she took the photos, I organised hair and make up. Styling was pyjamas and curly hair. It was amazing, I loved every second of it and I keep imagining all the other shoots I could do if I stopped sabotaging myself.
On the surface it probably sounds shallow but I want it. I can model for charities and positive body image, commercial fashion, advertorial and everything else. I smile just thinking about it. I know it probably sounds eating disorderd but its not.
Telling all those people was inspiring. The burden becomes lighter. It wasn't the positive things or the negative things, they got ripped up and disposed of as part of the process. It was the grateful list, what did you learn, what did it teach, what do value about the experience. It was exhilarating tell people something thats meant to be a secret. Its like guess what, I don't care!!! They all responded so lovingly and caringly and I felt amazing. Thats what modelling feels like, you share yourself and create something wonderful.
I love looking at the fashion pictures and later I want to become a fashion photographer amongst other things. I don't know what it is about modelling that takes me so much but I want it like