[Wulfen]

Trina! Awesometastic post!

Hey, I am seeing inthis board that the best advice for men comes from women! It's true that they have an instinctive understanding of how relationships work.

Remarking what I think is key:

Originally Posted by Trina

I can tell you that in general, girls don't know what they want. They THINK they do, but they don't. Either that, or they have their priorities backwards and think that they can change a guys personality (so they go for the good looking jerks) easier than they can change the outer appearance (rather than the geeky guys with a heart of gold).

I'd go for the latter (priorities backwards). IME girls always try to change the guy. But also have in mind that an extrovert, fun jerk can give her more emotions that an introvert, quiet geek. Of course the geek can be more loyal, but this is a trait that is looked for only in long-term relationships. For the initial stages or for short term relationships, the emotional part is more important.

All in all girls would prefer "cool guys", i.e. guys that are funny, outgoing, extrovert, positive, but also loyal, caring, responsible and so on. You did a good job of turning a geek into a cool guy. Some jerks can also turn into cool guys when they mature.

and after one relationship with a handsome jerk I was over it.

There. Not meaning to provoke you or anything, but here we see that your initial reaction, being it instinctive or socially instilled, was to go out with a jerk.

I realized there was NO WAY I could change a guys innards, but the outtards were up for remodel. And that's exactly what I did.

Smart move indeed. But see, once Adam starts doing non-geek stuff, like caring for fashion and style, or going to the gym, or socializing more, or whatever, he stops being a geek by definition. He's now a cool guy, with a geek past. Heh. Reminds me of someone.

But Adam had a different factor: you. Adam changed because of you, and now you say other girls are attracted to him, because of the change you made in him.

Other geeks will not have that luck, because they won't have that "special charm" Adam has, it being his looks or his sense of humour or whatever it was that made you connect with him. So the majority of Adams out there will not get their Trinas, and they will remain geeks and unattractive to the majority of girls, unless they change themselves.

Now, Adam doesn't look at all like a typical computer geek, until he opens his mouth that is.

And that, you could change too. I know how to recompile my kernel, and I know the genealogy of the sons of Fëanor. But I don't go around talking about it, except with likeminded people I love smalltalk, chitchatting and getting to know people in a superficial level. It's fun and you make a lot of friends.

And second of all, maybe the geeks need to actually make an effort to look better on the outside.

You can say it loud...

Believe me, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, if Adam had been a better dresser he would have been snatched up LONG before I found him.

Translation: had Adam looked like a non-geek, he would have got girls. Here, here, I think we are into something...

He has girls CONSTANTLY hitting on him. Of course, being the computer geek that he is, he is completely oblivious to it. But they definitely do it, and right in front of me. They see not only a great guy with the potential to make money, but they see how adorable he is, and that is irresistible. I can't blame them really.

Social proof! The more girls like him, the more you like him! You desire what others have preselected! And it's all your job! You might be proud

I get that physical attraction is important. Really, I do. I mean, I am physically attracted to my husband and if I wasn't I can't imagine being married to him.

Here we have it. Adam is good loking, and that's what attracted you, and you fixed what you didn't like. But geeky guys that are not attractive will have a harder time with this.

The moral of the story is: if you were blessed with good lucks, you'll get girls no matter what. But if you don't want to depend on luck, you need to do your work. Hoping that girls will "wake up" and "realize" what they've been missing won't get you too far.

By the way, there's just a little thing that I want to as you, Trina. I myself consider unmanly to be changed by a woman (I consider it emasculating), though I have no problems to change myself on my own.

Would you have liked Adam more if he had changed on his own? and, do you have problems with the thought of Adam being changed by you? Do you consider this trait unattractive in him, or is not a problem for you? (I say this because most women find unattractive a man that lets them change him).