Originally Posted by Angela
If that were my dream, I'd ask my unconscious mind what aspects of myself that are "in the library" have I killed off, that I am trying to hide from myself or others?
What kind of learnings would someone get "in the library" of your dreams, and what is it about those learnings that you might want to kill off?
Yeah I think you hit the nail on the head. After I reread my post, it began to make sense to me.
I've been questioning my Catholic beliefs, as you've probably seen around the forums. I've been developing my intuition, adopting some new beliefs, studying Reiki, and so forth. My fiancÚ knows about much of this, because she's studying Reiki alongside me, but she doesn't know to what extent I'm questioning the Church and trying to escape it in some sense.
So while I'm honest with her about what I'm studying, for the most part, she doesn't know that I'm really questioning whether I want to be in the Church anymore. As I've said before, it's scary because I don't want to hurt her. I don't feel bad about what I'm doing (just like in the dream), but I'm terrified of what might happen as a result.
I read Steve's post again the other day on why not to have a religion, and I felt like he was talking to me when he talked about those who realize the religion isn't infallible, but still remain a part of it to either appease others, or still have some sense of security, as in the "membership card" to get into heaven. He called them hypocrites. That's pretty much me right now.
The question is, is that dream just symbolizing what I've been feeling lately, or is it trying to tell me I need to do something about it?
The funny thing is that my subconscious chose such a gruesome image for my getting involved in all this again, probably because I feel that other people think it is so wrong, it may as well be murder, they would even say of my own soul. My fiancÚ wouldn't say that, but others would. It's like I'm trying to keep a foothold in my old beliefs, afraid that God will cut himself off from me, but the rational part of me says that's ridiculous. Yesterday I was in a bad mood a lot of the day, and part of me wondered whether God had removed his grace from me, so I was changing somehow for the worse.