Quote:
Originally Posted by witness2light  When we respond with pain we are saying we still want something to change. Pain is a complaint, and a call for someone to change. I've found in my own self work that if I am still feeling pain I'm still making the other person responsible for how I feel, and blaming them...
...To put it as neutrally as possible, it can be seen as an "expression of displeasure and request that somebody else do something about it." But then you are making them responsible for both your pain and the end of your pain - your happiness - and that's not a place of power or freedom. A painful reaction is subjective, and based on our own beliefs, desires and perceptions of what works to bring us experiences we prefer....
...Thus I've found that pain means I need to forgive more. Even a little negative feeling in the memory means forgive more...
...When things "go wrong" in a relationship of any sort, it just means some corrective action is needed. We need to define our boundaries as well as learn to give in a healthy way...
|
There were so many things in your post that stood out to me. Yet again, some wonderful words of wisdom. I appreciate your post. It's true that whenever I feel the pain...it's like a pain of something being missing. Of wanting him to make amends or wish me back. The reality is that those things might "make me happy" but only as long as he continues to do them. If I am really going to be happy and not in pain, it has to be based not on outside influences, but in my own soul. I have to keep reminding myself that the pain comes from wanting something more from him, something he isn't able to give (or he would). I can't rely on him to provide happiness for me. Thanks again. As I said above I think, I look back on these posts when I need a reminder or some encouragement. You've all been so great!