[witness2light]

In my work with forgiveness I've observed that pain is an indication that there is more forgiveness needed. When we respond with pain we are saying we still want something to change. Pain is a complaint, and a call for someone to change. I've found in my own self work that if I am still feeling pain I'm still making the other person responsible for how I feel, and blaming them. The reality I've experienced is that pain is my own reaction, and isn't really caused by the other person. To put it as neutrally as possible, it can be seen as an "expression of displeasure and request that somebody else do something about it." But then you are making them responsible for both your pain and the end of your pain - your happiness - and that's not a place of power or freedom. A painful reaction is subjective, and based on our own beliefs, desires and perceptions of what works to bring us experiences we prefer. I have learned that I can react with pain or not, depending on whether I believe it will help. It never really has. If you come to see emotional pain as not a sensation brought on by an experience but as an emotional reaction and statement of preference (in essence: "stop that!"), then it can be seen that it's another form of blame. Thus I've found that pain means I need to forgive more. Even a little negative feeling in the memory means forgive more.

I also believe that it is our true will and nature to love and forgive. Our society teaches us to blame, complain and do pain as if it would fix the problem, but really it just adds more negativity to the world. When things "go wrong" in a relationship of any sort, it just means some corrective action is needed. We need to define our boundaries as well as learn to give in a healthy way.

Lastly, forgiveness isn't condoning at all. In a seemingly brutal world we are taught that forgiveness is weak, and that striking back, which I feel includes the emotional negativity unforgiveness, is the solution, but it just means we got hooked into the battle, when really the only way we can "win" is by not playing the game. As we learn to resurrect our native forgiveness we disentangle from the past and from each other. Victory over negativity in life is had by not engaging in negativity. Thus, forgiveness is real power. Everyone can see that a person who is forgiving and at peace with themselves and about others has made a great attainment.