I completely agree with Steve's explanation that our relashionships are only inside our own counsciousness.
However, after reading a book about "shadows", I slightly disagree with the solution shown in this article by Steve.
He gives the example of Erin being not so neat and tidy. This seems to annoy him a little and he criticise Erin for that.
-His solution is : "I have to become more tidy myself and Erin wil be neater".
-Another solution could be : Letting the untidy part of his personality express itself instead of letting it in the shadow of the self-disciplined, organised personnality he has built. Change the opposition clean/not neat into a paradox : the "mess" parts of one's personality are important too.
Steve's example is maybe not the best for what I want to say, I just take it because it was in the article. However, let's take another example :
Many people hate gays. Especially men.
This shows that they hide the feminine part of them. They don't want to accept it because it makes them afraid. Instead of striving to become more heterosexual, they should accept the feminine part there is naturally inside them. (or their masculine part if they are women). Then they would not hate gays because they wouldn't be afraid of them anymore, knowing that this kind of relations can happen and is not unatural.