The hardest thing to do is see someone you care about self destruct. It pains me when I see my mother capitulate to her mother's every demand, which weakens her health and energy, damages her marriage, and puts a strain on her relationships with everyone in general. It really is terrible.
But, apart from being there for her as a source of excitement, relief and inspiration, I simply cannoot do any more for her. To make her suffering part of my suffering doesn't do anyone any good.
You might have to let them go. You might have to tell them that you cannot go on like this if they continue to spiral downwards. This isn't abandonment. You accept that that's the path they're going down and it's simply not yours. You still love them, but it's not right to try to walk another's path. Who knows, maybe the realisation of losing you will spurn them towards greater things?
Colm
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