I am coming home soon.
Hopefully late next week and then returning to Uni and my life. I will do day program twice a week and then see my doctor as well. Its all going well, I am following my meal plan, I am doing the right amount of exercize and complying.
Going against my eating disorder and obsessions does cause me alot of anxiety. The obsessions and rituals are created to ease anxiety and make predictable routines. Its self soothing so naturally when I challenge them I feel anxious and worried until I adjust to the changes.
I am feeling really panicked and scared at the moment. I am feeling very smothered by comments by another patient who keeps commenting on my weight, as they are significantly under weight themselves they find me a conundrum. They are consistently making comments about my ED, my choices and trying to get me too justify I'm sick. Usually, I would blow them off but because I am feeling so anxious and vulnerable already I just don't feel able too. Its becoming overwhelming and I just want to do something to ease the anxiety, like drink masses of diet coke or something. Anything -- But I am choosing not because I want to get well. I make a vague comment about feeling uncomfortable to eat a certain meal and they want to know why? I breathe and they want to know why and i just feel a bit trapped by her presence because she follows me around and i live in the same room as her and makes her little comments every hour....
So I am owning my feelings. I am just trying to share them and let them out. What I am looking for is supportive nice comments because Im struggling and I feel scared and vulnerable without my ED to insulate me from these issues.