Angela, you are very wise and thoughtful - has anyone ever told you that
?
I have already found myself in a position to see other women in a different light when tempted to pass judgement on what they allow in their relationships. I've had to look back and see how I wasn't able to be true to the standards I always claimed to have - and how hard that is when you love someone so much and just want the same from them.
I can see now that this pain is doing me no good (I mean, it's not going to bring him back and magically make him the man I want him to be. It's just making me miserable). I am just figuring out how to let it go and what I call forgive him, so I can really find what I want in a partner. It's almost like I just want him to admit what he did and say sorry and realize just how badly I feel before I forgive him, but I suspect that's not really what forgiveness is
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As for no contact, he's pretty much taken care of that one. It's almost like I never existed. (Part of it hurting so badly is knowing he doesn't even care to talk to me when just a while ago he was declaring his love - it's the question was it ever real, all just a joke or way to pass the time?) But I can see how it is really better not to have contact. I wouldn't want to start hanging onto any thought of us getting back together (what a mistake that would be) or wondering what the contact meant...does he still love me, miss me, just using me when he needs me, etc. That's a whole other can of worms. I hope someday we can be friends though because the times when we just talked and laughed together were some of the nicest times ever.
I am really putting all my thoughts out here, and I guess got off topic of forgiveness. If anyone is still following, more thoughts on forgiveness - not just related to my particular situation - are always appreciated. I love seeing what everyone here thinks about various topics. Thanks again.