Still in hospital, still buttering the bread. Chewing AND swallowing.
I'm just feeling really sad today and allowing myself to be sad. Today was weigh day and despite my insistence to be blind weighed, I saw my weight. The nurses use a mannual scales instead of electronic and asked me to tell them what the weight was... I refused and said look at the file. Long story short, they refused and I told them the weight and saw them measure it innacuratley and now im upset.
I am choosing to sit with the feelings of just being sad and lonely. I know that I am getting better, I know that I am going to get better, I know its just a matter of compliance. I know Im better than before but today I just want to mope and be sad and grieve for my the end of the Eating Disordered era. I think crying is healthy and I am now just trying to allow myself to cry and get upset instead of just smiling nicely and nodding at everyone.