[butterflyeffect]

Lots of blood tests and ECGs. One of the perks is the guy who takes the bloods is really cute, so I don't mind. Even though they had to take blood from my hand because they couldn't get a vein in my arm... I am also seeing a specialist to help heal the physical side effects. So its wonderful to know that I am working within a team rather than with separate units.

I have been phoning my parents alot, keeping them updated on my progress. Its funny because previously there have been alot of arguments and tears but this time, I just by pass it all. My parents can struggle with working with the hospital at times, giving me suggestions or make negative complaints about various things in the program. I no longer get into it with them, I just let them know I understand their concerns, but I am in hospital and following the program.

I have noticed a common theme among parents of eating disorder patients. Most parents will tell you that thier child needs specific help and they are different to the other "sick patients" and want the hospital to recognise this and to adjust the program accordingly. My parents will say, "Can't you see she's not anorexic???" Other parents will say, my child isn't one of those sick people or similiar comments. I think its a coping mechanism for parents with children in hospital. I feel compassion for the parents perspective, it must be really hell to have a chronically sick child.

As part of the meditation training, I have been noting general thought patterns. I have noticed particular themes to my thoughts, like being overly focused on modelling, career or health. I can spend hours, weeks and months going over the same goals and plans. Once I lose interest, I just move to the next phase. That type of focus can be very useful but not when directed towards the Ed.

I struggle to share these types of thoughts. I will reluctantly write them down or share when pushed. I feel that by sharing them, people will attempt to take them away. I have made a concious effort to start sharing them but it still feels uncomfortable.