I am just writing this to ask for advice from Erin or anyone who has had any experience with this: I have had a burning desire to fully unlock and use my psychic ability for a few months now, but am not able to muster up the courage to use it simply because I am too afraid to (though much less afraid than I have been in the past).
I have been psychic all my life but have not allowed my abilities to blossom. I had two particularly frightening experiences when I was younger. One involving an apparition, which frightened the pants off me because it was completely unexpected!
And a dream experience involving a negative entity which left me feeling haunted for days, even weeks afterwards. I have been saying to myself, ‘Yes, I am ready now’. I don’t know quite what I’m expecting to happen when I affirm this. Nothing happens, except I become more and more frustrated because I at times feel that I am not ready to follow through with my affirmations! And the more frustrated I get, the more I dream and the more my dreams become more and more vivid and full of symbols (This is something of a digression, but last night I dreamt that I got on a bus in the city I live in in France and was somewhat surprised to find Erin Pavlina was the bus driver!! She was driving extremely slowly and was wearing a big, chunky, blue necklace. I think this has something to do with the fact that she told me during my reading that there was lots of indigo blue in my throat chakra !!
)
The spirits also told me (during a reading with Erin) a couple of months ago that my fear is blocking my psychic abilities. The metaphor given by my guides was one of me attempting to mow a meadow of long grass with an old fashioned mower and not getting very far. The message from my guides was to allow the grass to grow wild and to stop trying to control my fear, as this is blocking what was supposed to happen. I told Erin I was mainly clairsentient and clairvoyant (but only in my mind’s eye) and Erin (or the spirits through Erin?) told me I would eventually see and hear things too. I have not seen an apparition since my childhood and have not encountered a negative entity since my teenage years (I am 23) and I really want to keep it that way. I am not comfortable with seeing spirits or even hearing them. I am however, comfortable with receiving messages from them via dreams, seeing and contacting deceased people I know through dreams, conversing with spirits and my higher self when meditating and using my intuition. I know that seeing spirits is not really that scary because weirdly, some time ago I started seeing them in dreams and they do not frighten me one bit!! But in the past I have been afraid of being startled.
This should not be a problem, if I did not feel that my future is somehow tied up in my psychic abilities and that I am not doing what I came here to do. I feel like I’m sort of biding my time until I can muster up the courage to say yes to this. I’m trying to manifest people to practice on. I have no experience of using my abilities to help other people and wonder whether I feel I am not ready because I would have no idea practically how to use them.
How do you deal with fear? Could it be a sign that I am not ready? (Hmm I am quite determined so do not really want to take much notice of that idea) Do you ignore it? I have read Erin’s articles about embracing fear, but somehow feel that if I embraced my fear or surrendered to it, then I would lose (lose what though?! I’m not even sure. It feels like some sort of battle between me and the negative entity I encountered in my dream some years ago who just wants me to get scared and give up). How is it possible to embrace fear when you’re too scared!!??
When I’m not moving extremely slowly, I just feel stuck.
If you got to the end of this, then thanks for taking the time to read it! And if anyone has any ideas or could share their experiences with anything similar, it would be much appreciated!