I am simply going to surrender to my families dramatics and proceed with my life. I am not going to take any of it on board, I am just going to notice it, acknowledge it and move forward.
I am going to try and stop defending myself and my actions. I have stopped explaining. If they choose to believe I am not trying, thats their business. Their not in charge of my recovery anyway, I am.
I am going to be at peace with them. I have given them copies of my meal plan and posted a copy in the kitchen. If they desire, they can have a look at it.
I am moving away from the family support structure. I am seeking to work with people who are uninvolved emotionally but still remain kind and genuine in their care. No one likes seeing a talking textbook for support. I am looking to find a day program to join, similiar to previous ones, where I worked closely with a group of individuals with similiar issues ran by a psychologist and we met one day a week and it was all intergrated. The psychiatrist, dietician, psychologist all talked. Everyone knew the score.
I am seeing a specialist gastrointeroligist in August and transitioning from my GP. I am relieved because he is wonderful but like the psychiatrist, works as an island and Im meant to be the faciliator and it doesn't work well for me. I want to go to a program once or twice a week, close to home, run by a treatment team that I can work with and generate positive results and eventually graduate from.
I am choosing to avoid entering into discussions and justifications with my family. I am sure the sting of their false accusations will lessen over time as I desensitise. For example this morning, I was literally woken up to a screaming family members convinced I had eaten their pizza. I calmy explained I had not, more screaming and accusations. I remained calm. Half an hour later, my Dad realised that actually my brother and his friend would have eaten it not me. It seems no matter how transparent I am they will always jump to me as the first target. They mutter a half hearted sorry afterwards and then do it again. Or they find items I have binged on and stand around as a family, holding up said item in the air and scream at me and go on and on. Its embarassing and humiliating and makes me regret letting the item be found, rather than eating it. Again I am seeking to distance myself from my family as much as possible. I in no way blame them, there is no right or wrong way to behave in light of the circumstances. But right now I hate them. I hate them for being so smothering and accusing. I am trying to let that go but its difficult.