[stellabeam]

Hello and thanks for reading this post. I need to get out of this pattern ASAP as it is effecting all areas of my life and causing me huge financial stress and loss of self esteem. I am trying to get past the sheer terror of the situation and to think of it wth postive energy but find this difficult. Has anyone had a similar pattern and overcome it? Any advice or encouragement is appreciated.

I have had 2 previous careers where I spent years training and got sacked a number of times. This was mostly because I was intimidated by people in power which led to poor performance.

Currently I am a Camera operator
I did 3 years training at uni in Television Production.
Worked 2 years shooting news for Sydney networks. Good experience but dangerous, gory and unethical.
Have tried several methods of escape which all look like this.

The Scary Pattern

1.Get fabulous job.
2.Have performance anxiety.
3.Stuff up big time.
4.Get sacked.

I am currently working as a cleaner or whatever else I can find to get by while getting my own wedding business together, yet to find my first clients and afraid I will fail them in some awful way.

I actually love camera work, I have had wonderful experiences where I have performed well and freelancers are actually well paid.
Please help!