[butterflyeffect]

I have noticed there is alot of anxiety and concern coming from my family in regard to my eating. I also get worried and anxious when they get upset and the more anxious I get, the more I tend to eat, which acts to compound the problem. As always my family is coming from a place of love but the reality is that they are frustrated and tired. They don't want to play games anymore and are coming to the end of their tether and the stress and anxiety shows.

I know that I could just ignore their anxiety and just do my own thing but that is not worked well in the past. I am part of the family unit and wish to be intergrated within the unit. So in order to minimise the stress and anxiety for me and them I am going to find a dietician written meal plan and post it on the fridge with specified times that I will be eating at. Then I will have a clean structure to follow and that will reduce my anxiety as I can look at it rationally and see that:
1. I do have enough food
2. No one can take food off the plan and Im not going to starve
3. The diet is regulated and I won't gain weight

Also for my family this will give them something concrete to cling too and I can show them I am able to eat to a meal plan to the best of my ability. It won't be perfect at first but thats not the point.

For example.

Breakfast:
7am -9am: 1 Piece of fruit before the gym and 2 pieces of toast and tuna after the gym.

The other thing my family tends to worry about particularly my mother and sister is whether I am actually progressing. Any signs of a binge and they are furious. Again, threats to withdraw support and guilt trips, while it is difficult, I understand their tired and worried and losing hope. I don't blame them I just wish they could see that I am getting better and I am improving.

So in order to introduce structure and reduce arguments, I am going to try and be as transparent as possible. I do find it difficult because the ed is an instinctually a very private and secretive and when its brought out into public I feel very vulnerable. But I would rather be well so this is how I am choosing to proceed.

I am going to get my Psychiatrist to talk to my doctor periodically, ironically they never talk... I am then going to ask my Doctor to talk to my parents regularly and keep them up to date with things and announce everything Im doing as I do it. Ie. Going to the therapist now... Had a good session with the therapist we discussed X. Going to meditation now. Home now. Going to the gym now. I know it sounds over the top but I think once trust is established and their confidence in me returns we will have much more placid and calm lives, more conducive to healing as well.