Quote:
Originally Posted by LockedHeart  I am not generalizing or stereotyping. Notice my wording. I spoke of a situation then said "the mothers", refering specifically to the mothers in that situation. The problem that I have encountered is that men are stereotyped in the law. I have, for 2 years, been fighting to keep custody of my 3 year old son. His mother is an abusive mother who abandoned him. Why is there even a chance that she can get custody and why does she get to contunually take me back to court over stupid stuff when after 9 or more court appearances in 2 different states I have always retained custody? |
First of all, let me just say that I feel for you, man. If I lost my kids in a situation like this, I would be pretty upset. Actually, I DID lose them for about 2 weeks back when I was going through a divorce. Those 2 weeks were devastating to me.
So, let me offer you a perspective and some advice from one single father to another.
First of all, the court systems in this country are what they are. At least they are what they are at this time in our lives. Perhaps one day there'll be some effective changes made, but until that day comes (perhaps this situation will motivate you to become activate in instrumenting that change), it is what it is. So, first of all, accepting that (instead of giving your power and emotions to it) is crucial to gaining a perspective that will be effective. Acceptance does not mean agreement, btw. Acceptance just means expressing your anger and frustration about it, THEN letting it go instead of harboring it. Letting it go, letting it flow out of you (in whatever way you do that, whether it be through writing or some physical activity or whatever, will allow you to center yourself and to at least have it not activate you anymore, as opposed to wallowing in a "woe is me, it's so unfair" kind of state. (trust me, I've been there
)
Once you've expressed and let go of your emotions surrounding it, and you've accepted things the way they are, you can then begin to look for effective solutions. I like to think of things in a "kung fu" kind of approach, where you take a situation or some form of resistance and you use that resistance as your strength (as opposed to resisting it yourself, putting you in that "locked horns" state).
I think that if you were to allow yourself to express your anger (in a way that isn't going to worsen the situation), let go of it, and then choose a higher, more effective perspective, that you would see the situation literally transform before your eyes.