Quote:
Originally Posted by butterflyeffect  Thank you everyone for all your positive support both past and present. I am really going to do this. I am going to unleash all my unused potential and rock the world!! |
*low clap standing-O*
Congrats for making a committment toward taking back the power in your life. I read this thread everytime you bump it, and I am inspired by your tenacity towards overcoming this issue.
It's very clear to me that you have a lot of passions in your life. And that there are things that you could really be effective and powerful with if you weren't simultaneously drained by the issues surrounding your ED.
Brute passion is a strong force for effecting change, but I think you might find yourself spinning in circles or feeling stuck if you also don't disconnect from what is draining you.
Notice, I'm not saying to "fix" it or get rid of it or anything like that because, well, your bulimia serves a positive purpose for you. Actually, your bulimia is more like a manifestation of a belief that serves a positive purpose for you. It's a form of survival. One of my friends who has this same ED, has faced some traumatic experiences in her past. And in those experiences, she was forced to take her mind somewhere else to cope with what was happening. And the interesting thing to me was that that same disconnect with her thoughts (going "somewhere else" during trauma) is the exact same disconnect that happens during her bulimic episodes. So, in a way, it's like she is practicing that "take me somewhere else" mindset in case the trauma surfaces again.
So, the bulimia is actually serving her a positive purpose in that it's in place for her survival.
The trick, i think, is finding ways to generate more choices for survival. Ones that aren't simultaneously destroying her. It's not so much to make the bulimia go away, but to open yourself up to the possibility that there are other ways that you can choose to serve that same purpose. And in that way, recognizing that choice and the impacts it has on you, it won't make it "go away," but, rather, it can sort of put it in the background. When you recognize the choices that are more effective in what you want, that old, outdated choice of survival suddenly becomes less appealing and thus becomes less and less a viable option.