I thank all of you for taking the time to respond, each with a great deal of compassion and wisdom. I am still taking in everything you have said and just wanted to send a note of appreciation.
I spoke to him last night (he called when he got out of work). He was chit chatting as if nothing was wrong and I admit I got upset. I didn't yell or anything, but I said it's hard for me to just talk like this as if nothing is wrong. You have not told me the truth and you broke up with me and now are acting as if we are buddies who didn't just go through this painful ordeal. I also asked him when he would be able to come get his stuff. He seemed shocked that I would ask this of him and said he would let me go since it seemed I didn't want to talk to him. He got really quiet and said if I wanted them to get the stuff out they would. His brother who also has some things stored at my house called back and was trying to talk to me, but we were cut off and I never heard back. I immediately felt a twinge of regret that I didn't just talk to him. I want to be strong enough to be the friend I told him I could be, but I am angry and in pain at what he's done. How do I reconcile the two? Some of your words are helping me to see I just have to chose to be loving. Fake it till I make it maybe?
@LoveWisdom - you had some very helpful things to say. It seems I am in an internal war, with one side of me wishing to just take the relationship for what it is and release him with love and one side of me wanting him to really understand how badly I feel right now. But I know he cannot understand. Or he does and maybe doesn't know what to do about it. I know that I want exclusivity in a romantic relationship. If this is not something he wants, I wouldn't want this type of relationship anyway as I would never feel comfortable. I guess right now I just feel he took all the love and attention I was pouring into him and gave it to someone else. I am very hurt, but at the same time I love him...he did the worst I could imagine and I still love him.
@Lychee - you had great insight as well. My brother told me something similar in that he said I should think of how I would counsel a friend in the same situation. I will take your words to heart as well.
@earlybird - I am sorry to hear you are in a similar situation. Although I do not know exactly what you are going through I can sympathize with your hurt. I will take your advice on taking care of myself. It's true I generally put his needs before mine throughout our relationship, and happily so, but it has taken it's toll on my wellbeing. I don't want to be vindictive at all (I won't burn his clothes or anything if he doesn't pick them up in time
). Best wishes to you in your situation. I hope we can both find the peace we seek.
@Angela - a very good friend of mine shares your name and you remind me of her. Very gently showing me how things are while giving me something to smile about with your humor. Thank you.
I welcome any more wisdom as I try to come to terms with the person I am trying to be in this situation.