Actually AG, you don't really know how it makes you look in our eyes. Give us a bit more credit than that.
As you can see if you look around, there are different people here backing you up and seeing both sides. RR didn't call you a "sexual harasser" though...that's actually YOU over-reacting and making it more than it was, though I agree it could definately be construed as her being offensive towards you...there are two sides to this story and yours is equally as valid as hers is.
RR asked you to stop sexually harassing her...she didn't say the words 'you are a sexual harasser'. Can you see that you reacted emotionally in the same way as RR did? It's totally understandable that you did react this way by the way...anyone would have.
RR is entitled to feel how she feels, as are you. You are both taking each others words the wrong way! From an outside perspective, you may both want to consider this?
I can see that you didn't mean to cross any lines. That you were being playful. I interpreted "my beautiful...and my lady" in the medieval Lord and Lady sense...which is how I think you intended it to mean.
I agree that RR took it out of context and reacted emotionally to a harmless comment. That's my oppinion.
I'm not invalidating your experience here RR, but I think you may have brainwashed yourself a little bit to Wiki definitions and outside definitions without coming up with your own definitions and oppinions about it.
This is easy to do when you read alot of different books and webpages that portray something in one light. We are all susceptible to it...it's good to think for yourself though...which I know you do, to a certain extent, I just think that, in this case you have taken on these definitions without questioning them, and
reacted to a little harmless comment with extreme sensitivity...
There's nothing wrong with that, but it can lead to situations like this, where a person gets accused of a serious thing, when they meant no harm at all. Peoples lives can get ruined this way, when they didn't really deserve it. Something to think about anyway.
I'm not saying that to invalidate you or abuse you...but sometimes females do over-react. I'm a woman, and I can vouch for it...we do over-react at times.
It makes it difficult to know when we are really over-reacting and when we are being invalidated when we are told this by someone.
I wonder how many of the people who compiled the Wiki definition, and all the other definitions of sexual harassment were female...and how many of them are radical feminists? Probably quite a few if not all of them.
It's good to take this into consideration when you are reading things written by strangers, as it can give you a good idea of their mentality and where they are coming from. Radical feminists are pretty notorious for jumping down the throats of any man who says anything remotely sounding like he is trying to 'claim' a woman or 'posess' a woman, when really...he's just trying to be complimentary, and may have said it the wrong way...but how is he to know what you do and don't like, until you tell him, and tell him why you don't like it...which you have now. That's just some food for thought
Andrews reaction was pretty normal I think. You basically said that he sexually harassed you...which I don't think is true. It may have been how you interpreted it, based on all the external definitions you have taken on, but I don't think this was a genuine case of it. I do think that you are hyper-alert for any sign of sexual harassment, as this is the internet, and your fears and anxiety are probably being triggered alot...but in AG's defense, what he said really was harmless, in my oppinion anyway.
I don't think he was claiming you...I think he was making a simple comment like "my precious" (with the Golem voice) which, now that I come to think about it, golem was pretty posessive about his precious...o.k, bad example.
I guess I can see why you think it was a 'claiming' comment that he made. The word 'My' does indicate that you are his belonging.
You are not his belonging, and maybe he could have dropped the word 'My'...which I'm pretty sure he will from now on. I'm quite sure poor AG is scarred for life over this one and will never use the word 'my' in front of a woman again
I think this is a great example of how perilous it can be to be in this world at this time, with everyone so ultra PC and sensitive to right speech, and there are alot of males and females who do abuse others this way. You just have to be careful that you know for certain that THIS person is actually abusing or harassing you. And I don't think AG is in this case.
I have not seen him say this to you at any other time...maybe once or twice I've seen him openly say that he would like to kiss you and that you are gorgeous...but you ARE and that's normal for any guy to want you. Just because YOU don't see yourself that way, doesn't mean that the rest of the world doesn't.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb  Fine Ruby but I can still have a problem with you accusing me of sexual harassment!
It makes you a victim in people's eyes and me a horrible ogre attacking you.
That's how they see it! |