 Sorry, I agree with Steve.
If she doesn't want counselling, and doesn't want to even try meeting you halfway, then I'm not seeing much to be optimistic about. You can make yourself as shinyhappyprettyclear as you want on your own, but the relationship is two people, not one. You cannot control her reality. She has to chose to bring that reality into alignment with yours. She doesn't want to. That's that.
Actually, it sounds like she's using sex for control, in a way. That turns my stomach, man. Not cool. It may be that she needs a shock in the form of you waltzing out the door for a separation. It's not a marriage unless both of you are happy, and your wife doesn't appear to care a plumb fig if you're happy or not.
|