Join Date: Aug 2008
What can you learn from this?
Now, I believe you can read this on a VARIETY of different levels. You could read it as a confessional, you could read it as me making a bad decision in my life, you can read it as a journal entry before I head to disaster in my life, or you could read it as if though I'm dying - I'm sure this is bound to happen with some people, but it's all good.
However, if you're able to read between the lines (which I know you're fully capable of), you realize that this is an opportunity not only for myself but also for you. The choices I've made are done and completely in the past. It doesn't matter what I've done - the past is forever behind us. However, from doing this, I've learned a really big lesson: most of the time in our lives, we're living in fear.
Usually, it's *VERY* subtle. It's like the hum of a VERY soft air conditioner in the background. We don't notice that it's there and we "cant' put our finger on it" until it stops. To some extent, we all carry some emotional baggage that serves as nothing to strengthen a false sense of self. The more we cling to this identity, the stronger it becomes in our lives. When I use identity, I mean any choices, habits, actions, behaviours, thought patterns, people, past events, or positions of status that no longer serve us. We keep wondering what we need to change in our lives, however, because we've lived with the fear so close in our lives, we can't put our finger on the problem immediately. Sometimes we can because we have internal issues that we know we need to fix - we might not mentally or consciously acknowledge it to ourselves, but we can intuitively feel that something is not right in our lives. By bringing awareness to what it is that needs change in our lives, we start the powerful shift of shedding off the layers of falsehood, denial, and dishonesty that we've been carrying.
Eventually, there comes a point when we realize that *WE* hold the key to breaking free of our fears and identities. When we gain enough awareness, we realize that we hold the plug to our "Air Conditioning Fear Units" and we can plug in the fear or take it out anytime we want. Most people don't want to take out the plug because they are afraid to face to unknown. Some people "accidentally" unplug from their fears only to realize that their fears were imaginary and purely in their head - this happens usually when we make spontaneous decisions and realize that there "negative consequences" that we imagined in our heads never came to pass. Some people gain enough awareness to realize that they are ultimately in control of their lives and have ALWAYS had control of the plug - they unplug it and feel lighter, more englightened, but more importantly, they gain greater clarity of what they want in life and they draw one step closer to their true life's purpose.
However, most people keep the plug in for various reason. Mainly because of Fear of the Unknown. However, it is only whenever we face our fears directly do we realize that they were nothing but "Paper Tigers" - growling at us and causing us to be fearful and intimidated but really purely in our head and easily conquered.
"Our choices, made in a moment, can transcend a lifetime" - DJ Demarco.
NOTE: I'm not saying that you should do what I've done or anything related to it. I'm just saying this: look deep inside yourself and ask yourself, "What have I been running from in life?" or "What have I been wanting to change in my life, but too afraid to change?". But just take a look inside yourself and look at what doesn't feel right even on the most subtle level. You don't have to do anything on a MASSIVE level, but start at the smallest things in your life and see if you are willing to change them today. What worked for me and my life may or may not be the thing that you need to change in your life.
I say that if you're facing a difficult decision in your life - a decision that you KNOW you need to make, a "nagging feeling" that you've been getting over and over about a specific course of action you need to take, a relationship you know you need to end (or maybe even begin, or take to the next level), a habit in your life that you know you need to cut out (or add), or a change in your lifestyle that you know will push you out of your comfort zones - then I'm here to remind that you alone hold the power to change and everything you need is right here, right now. If you decide to keep living according to your identity that you know is "not you" (at a VERY core level), then keep doing so but notice the affect it has on you. Bring awareness to whatever emotions you conscious may have been repressing - allow them to come to the forefront and then, begin to ask yourself whether to not you should continue with your current lifestyle and reinforcing a false sense of self. Start questioning what it is that you believe to be true - don't allow yourself to continue with the same thought processes that you've been doing all along, change it up, purge your pre-existing thoughts, challenge your belief systems. Eventually, by doing this, you will either 1) change your beliefs to something new or 2) strengthen your beliefs - either way you win and you learn about yourself in the process.
Or, you could take the Path of Adventure and start living your desired lifestyle right this very second. This comes from a decision that you've had enough of your old lifestyle and that it's time to take MASSIVE ACTION in your life. This is my favorite one, but by doing it, you've got to have a belief system that's three things 1) Open to new beliefs 2) Flexible yet 3) Strong. People may or may not think that you've gone off the deep end with your decision. However, when you're coming to yourself from a place of PURE HONESTY and Truth, then you'll understand the true reasons for your actions and not be affected by whatever else is happening around you - the external world will not penetrate your internal world because your conviction alone will give you all the power you need and will also guide your path one step at a time.
Paradoxically, when we're not afraid to lose is when we truly win. We might face temporary setback, but we ultimately emerge as winners internally and usually externally.
"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is."
I hope that you've learned that what I've done in my life does not require any mourning nor sadness but should be call for joyfulness and celebration. I wish that you take a step in your life towards drawing closer to your life's purpose and ultimately, who you're truly meant to be.
If you've read this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
NOTE: This was done a while back, but if you're reading it, you can see some of my underlying motivations for why I'm doing what I'm doing.