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Gracestars · 06-04-2010, 01:09 AM

Thanks again to everyone for their support. It helps to know others have been there too, although I regret that any of us have had to experience it.

Rei,

I was hoping you would post here.. good to hear from you. I was thinking about doing some ho'oponopono on this, so thanks for the reminder. You're right, this is a "sorting through" rather than a slip into clincial depression. Like many people here, I have experienced a deep and ugly depression in the past, and I am determined not to go there again, no matter what happens. I hope I can do that.

Sandra,

Thanks for the reframe. It's a beauty! At the moment I can apply it in isolation, but as soon as I start to think outside of myself, the anxiety increases again. I need to get the baseline up a bit, and hopefully start to believe the situation more in the light which you have described.

Bloss,

Thanks for the love, hon. Right back atcha. You're right, it is all too easy to see the self and one's surroundings in black and white terms when you're feeling in the gutter. Truth is, we all have lots of shade. We are not all bad or all good, in fact those terms themselves are unhelpful and almost unapplicable in a way. Good/bad doesn't really catch the essense of what it means to be human, does it? And it's true that learning is magnificant, it's what living is all about. I just wish I didn't have to keep doing it the hard way, ya know?

And in re to not talking about this with my RL loved ones, there are some really good reasons why I am choosing not to do that, which range from people not really understanding, to my appreciation of their limits and capacity to be able to "go there" -- my friends are not my therapist, to the fact that I would rather keep this out of my real world goings-on. Musing and delving with clever and compassionate people such as those in this thread is enormously helpful right now. There are ideas here I have not heard before and that is like gold to the great sponge that is me! In addition, no-one has to contribute, and that eases the depressed mind's guilt about being a burdern. If need be I have people in RL who will put their lives on hold for a time to hold my hand. For now, they can go about their days in peace. xx

Tanja,

Thanks for your ongoing support of late. You can barge in on my threads any time!

PWL, and honeywith4bees,

Thank you so much for the love and loving energy!! It made me do this

and I'm most grateful for that.

Angela,

It's interesting because while I'm good at beating myself up, I don't think I really do that to other people so much. I mean, I can get cranky, but I don't generally go around thinking or treating other people as faulty or at blame. Still... I might need to think about this some more, I might be doing it on a less obvious level. Food for thought. Cheers for your insight, it has helped me no end to try to navigate some of this stuff, and start weeding my garden.

Cloud,

Some really interesting points, as always. I need to sit with them some. Thanks.

Carenkh,

I love that quote! Thank you so much for sharing it. Really helpful. I'm going to read her blogpost.

PTV,

Thanks. I get how huge it is. Like I said, I vowed not to let myself get to that place again... it was such an indescribably painful place, but I know that you know. I need to attempt my best, whenever I feel myself slipping, to hold up to that vow, so this is a very conscious move to try to nip it in the bud. I understand what you mean about leaning into sadness. I suppose this isn't sadness though, because I agree with you on this point. This is more like "uh-oh, I can feel the wheels spinning out of control, the night is closing in, get out fast," but I can see that you know that too. I'm touching the edge myself right now, but like you, I hope never to fall back over it again.

06-04-2010, 01:09 AM	#60 (permalink)
Gracestars Family Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 2,011	Thanks again to everyone for their support. It helps to know others have been there too, although I regret that any of us have had to experience it. Rei, I was hoping you would post here.. good to hear from you. I was thinking about doing some ho'oponopono on this, so thanks for the reminder. You're right, this is a "sorting through" rather than a slip into clincial depression. Like many people here, I have experienced a deep and ugly depression in the past, and I am determined not to go there again, no matter what happens. I hope I can do that. Sandra, Thanks for the reframe. It's a beauty! At the moment I can apply it in isolation, but as soon as I start to think outside of myself, the anxiety increases again. I need to get the baseline up a bit, and hopefully start to believe the situation more in the light which you have described. Bloss, Thanks for the love, hon. Right back atcha. You're right, it is all too easy to see the self and one's surroundings in black and white terms when you're feeling in the gutter. Truth is, we all have lots of shade. We are not all bad or all good, in fact those terms themselves are unhelpful and almost unapplicable in a way. Good/bad doesn't really catch the essense of what it means to be human, does it? And it's true that learning is magnificant, it's what living is all about. I just wish I didn't have to keep doing it the hard way, ya know? And in re to not talking about this with my RL loved ones, there are some really good reasons why I am choosing not to do that, which range from people not really understanding, to my appreciation of their limits and capacity to be able to "go there" -- my friends are not my therapist, to the fact that I would rather keep this out of my real world goings-on. Musing and delving with clever and compassionate people such as those in this thread is enormously helpful right now. There are ideas here I have not heard before and that is like gold to the great sponge that is me! In addition, no-one has to contribute, and that eases the depressed mind's guilt about being a burdern. If need be I have people in RL who will put their lives on hold for a time to hold my hand. For now, they can go about their days in peace. xx Tanja, Thanks for your ongoing support of late. You can barge in on my threads any time! PWL, and honeywith4bees, Thank you so much for the love and loving energy!! It made me do this and I'm most grateful for that. Angela, It's interesting because while I'm good at beating myself up, I don't think I really do that to other people so much. I mean, I can get cranky, but I don't generally go around thinking or treating other people as faulty or at blame. Still... I might need to think about this some more, I might be doing it on a less obvious level. Food for thought. Cheers for your insight, it has helped me no end to try to navigate some of this stuff, and start weeding my garden. Cloud, Some really interesting points, as always. I need to sit with them some. Thanks. Carenkh, I love that quote! Thank you so much for sharing it. Really helpful. I'm going to read her blogpost. PTV, Thanks. I get how huge it is. Like I said, I vowed not to let myself get to that place again... it was such an indescribably painful place, but I know that you know. I need to attempt my best, whenever I feel myself slipping, to hold up to that vow, so this is a very conscious move to try to nip it in the bud. I understand what you mean about leaning into sadness. I suppose this isn't sadness though, because I agree with you on this point. This is more like "uh-oh, I can feel the wheels spinning out of control, the night is closing in, get out fast," but I can see that you know that too. I'm touching the edge myself right now, but like you, I hope never to fall back over it again. Last edited by Gracestars; 06-04-2010 at 01:35 AM.