I may be a young dreamer here, but I am firstly, quite frankly amazed you settled, for want of a better phrase, for second best for so long. Well done. You seem like a very thoughtful and caring person, as does your wife. You both seem to deserve each other in the way that you are both making a lot of effort to please each other. You must have very lucky kids; most women would react so negatively to finding such emails, and most men would attempt to have the best of both worlds. Also, this old flame of yours seems very sensible too; bailing out at the responsible moment. All three of you seem very on the ball.
One question, does your wife know that you don't love her as much as she loves you? You say she would rather you left if that were the case, so I presume she does not. On this presumption, it is safe to say that you are almost living a lie. My advice would be to be totally straight with your wife and tell her that you dont feel as you should. The truth shall set you free.
Regarding your old flame; have you not met her of late? Although it may seem very dangerous, it may be a good idea to see her. Given how kind hearted your wife seems, possible she would allow it? After all, you may find that you no longer connect. However, given that you both had similar dreams about one another over a long period of time; I can say with quite strong assurance that this may still be the one for you. A good way to check this; is it the younger version of your old flame you see in dreams and when you imagine her, or a new older version you have developed in your head? The latter will more likely result in higher compatibility, or you're more likely, like the previous poster has said, to be living in the past. And remember, if you haven't seen her in a while, she may be different to how you now see her in your mind.
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