I hear you Dave, I see where you're coming from. I just re-read your first post where you say how you had never gotten over your romance with your old flame. From what you wrote, it seems that your wife always sensed this and always lived with the fear that your heart was really with someone else, and for that reason she was never able to feel entirely secure with the relationship.
She dearly wants you to love her in the way you love this other person. But you cant, and you never have. Even though she has given so much to you, your children and your relationship - the passion just isnt there. She doesnt want you to be with her if you dont feel for her, the way she feels for you. And from what you say, it isnt likely you ever will.
One part of me wants to say that neither you nor your wife should settle for just ok. You only live once, and you should live that life to the fullest. That both of you should go your own way and take the chance of pursuing that love and passion that everyone deserves.
On the other hand there is one reservation I have about your old flame. Well not so much a reservation as a grey area. That is, you are for all intents and purposes basing your feelings on the person you used to know. That person you had a romance with so long ago. But why did it end then? For good reason? What leads you to believe it would work this time around? Perhaps you have both grown and matured and so have the tools now to resolve what you both could not back then. But is she the same person? Are you? These are just things to consider.
Another way of considering this is - if the worst came to pass - you left your wife of 25 years, and made a go of it with your old flame and it just didnt work out. Would you regret having left your wife? Or do you think it was a seperation that needed to happen anyway, and your old flame was just the catalyst that impressed upon you that your marriage lacked the passion you desire, and want?
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