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Originally Posted by earlybird  Please, someone help me. I'm considering ending the relationship, even though it's going to hurt us both. Does that make any sense? |
Hi Sean, you are remarkably self-aware and mature person and you've clearly thought this through a lot. But in spite of that this must be a very difficult and confusing time for you. Dealing with intense emotions usually is.
Judging from your girlfriends behavior, it would seem like she is somewhat ambivalent towards your relationship at the moment. And that this has been growing over time. At the moment she seems to be responding worryingly well to attention from other males. There could be a couple of reasons for this: the most obvious being that something is amiss in your relationship (which is already clear) and secondly, she's 17 and possible feeling the urge to explore.
But speculating is useless - only she knows what is really driving her behavior. Clearly you are not happy with how things are, and I think her flirting with that other guy was highly inappropriate and extremely painful for you - thats NOT on at all. So this relationship is not working for you, and you are evaluating your options.
For me, there is one option you should exercise before any others - you must have a frank conversation with her and tell her your
feelings. And I just wanted to expand on that a bit, based on a couple things you said in your post. She has expressed that she needed you to be more emotive. You said that you told her you didnt "need" her. So what I'm hearing from her, is that she needs to hear more about how you
feel towards her and what she means to you. Telling someone you dont "need" them, is a little hard to hear! While I understand where you're coming from, i.e. being a "spiritual" person you are dependent on yourself only and complete etc not everyone is. Sometimes, we all need to feel needed.
If we dont feel our partner needs us somehow, in some way, sometimes - then it can feel like we're living with mr or ms. perfect, and we constantly feel flawed because we sometimes do need other people. Remember, while you may be at a certain level of growth and feel you can entirely depend upon yourself, perhaps she doesnt. Being spiritual also means being able to extend empathy and compassion for others.
What it sounds like you may be doing is placing your need to project an independent, spiritual image of yourself, above her needs. This MAY be something that has contributed to her disconnection from you. Does this seem like a possibility? I could be entirely wrong, but its just something for you to think about.
In conclusion, you sound like a great guy with amazing self-awareness. You deserve someone who loves you and stays faithful to you. It will be painful, to be sure, if things dont work out with her. But remember, its always far more painful in the long run to stay in a relationship that that your (or her) heart isnt in.