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jcase4 · 04-08-2007, 12:58 AM

Hi All,

I have considered myself shy all of my life and it has been a constant struggle for me to make and maintain friendships, establish relationships with people, especially women, etc. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure when in a situation where I am speaking with a stranger or even someone I know well but haven't spoken to in a while. I struggle to find anything at all to talk about and always revert to the standard and boring interview type questions:

Where are you from?
What do you do?
How is work?

When I run out of those, the conversation quickly stalls, becomes awkward and uncomfortable and at that point I find an excuse to escape and avoid any further conversation.

Now, for a long time I have lived under the assumption that I suffer from shyness and social anxiety. I've tried a lot of things to try and conquer this problem (books, therapy, etc.) to no avail. I am starting to wonder, now, if the problem has less to do with being "shy" but rather that my complete lack of social skills is creating and reinforcing the behavior a shy and socially anxious person typically demonstrates. I wonder if my fear of being in those intensely uncomfortable and awkward social situations makes me avoid communicating with people that I actually do have the desire to communicate with. For example, at work I have no trouble communicating with co-workers and speaking about job-related subject matter; even speaking out in meetings or giving presentations in front of many people doesn't phase me. However, when it comes to simply socializing with co-workers about non-job related things, I get extremely uncomfortable, can't think of anything to say, etc.

So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can truly improve my social skills and conversational ability? I have tried a few books on how to make conversation, and while they make sense when I read them, I seem to be unable to apply any of it in an actual situation. In an actual situation, the pressure hits me, my mind goes blank, I start to sweat and I just end up in doing the same things I've always done. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

04-08-2007, 12:58 AM	#1 (permalink)
jcase4 Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 8	Social Anxiety or lack of Social Skills? Hi All, I have considered myself shy all of my life and it has been a constant struggle for me to make and maintain friendships, establish relationships with people, especially women, etc. I feel a tremendous amount of pressure when in a situation where I am speaking with a stranger or even someone I know well but haven't spoken to in a while. I struggle to find anything at all to talk about and always revert to the standard and boring interview type questions: Where are you from? What do you do? How is work? When I run out of those, the conversation quickly stalls, becomes awkward and uncomfortable and at that point I find an excuse to escape and avoid any further conversation. Now, for a long time I have lived under the assumption that I suffer from shyness and social anxiety. I've tried a lot of things to try and conquer this problem (books, therapy, etc.) to no avail. I am starting to wonder, now, if the problem has less to do with being "shy" but rather that my complete lack of social skills is creating and reinforcing the behavior a shy and socially anxious person typically demonstrates. I wonder if my fear of being in those intensely uncomfortable and awkward social situations makes me avoid communicating with people that I actually do have the desire to communicate with. For example, at work I have no trouble communicating with co-workers and speaking about job-related subject matter; even speaking out in meetings or giving presentations in front of many people doesn't phase me. However, when it comes to simply socializing with co-workers about non-job related things, I get extremely uncomfortable, can't think of anything to say, etc. So, does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can truly improve my social skills and conversational ability? I have tried a few books on how to make conversation, and while they make sense when I read them, I seem to be unable to apply any of it in an actual situation. In an actual situation, the pressure hits me, my mind goes blank, I start to sweat and I just end up in doing the same things I've always done. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!