Quote:
Originally Posted by idave  I want the courage to tell my wife I need to try to finish unfinished business with my old flame, that I need to leave home for at least a little while, that I might not come back.
Why can't I do that? |
Hi Dave, you must be feeling enormously conflicted by the choices in front of you. You love your wife, but not with the passion or intensity you feel she deserves. She in turn loves you - and has become particularly more expressive of that love after discovering that email. You also thought that she didnt kick you out because she doesnt want to be alone.
You know it would cause her immense pain if she lost you, and that in turn would cause you enormous pain. However, you realise that you dont feel the intensity of passion for her, that you do for your old flame.
So your conundrum is - do you remain with your wife, who you say is a wonderful person and has created a comfortable life for you - or do you risk that and leave her for an old flame for whom your fierce feelings have recently been stirred up again.
Obviously this is a significant conflict of feelings, and unless you resolve this, you may very well live with regret whichever way you choose.
I think you owe it to yourself and all parties involved to explore this in a very rational manner. I understand that your feelings towards this old flame are intense, but this in no way implies that you should be with her. I think just about everybody has experienced intense attractions to other people, who turned out to be horribly wrong for them. So I would ask you - besides your feelings for this person - what makes you think that she is really the one for you? Are you certain that you are not reliving some youthful infatuation and are putting her up on a pedestal and creating an unrealistically high estimation of her?
To answer your question more specifically, I dont think you can up and leave your wife "for at least a little while" or forever, depending on what happened with this old flame. I say that because I think she deserves better than that - and I think you know that too, which is perhaps partly what is delaying you.
Dave, you deserve happiness and you deserve that intense passion in your life. I would just suggest you spend some time reflecting on the reality that underpins these feelings you have for your old flame. What real substance is there to them? Are you in love with her? Or with a memory?