[TheEastern]

That post was yesterday, and I am glad to say that (aside from being physically sick) I still feel really good. I know I wasn't just in a weird mood yesterday, and that feeling of love wasn't a fluke.

I've been thinking about it, and I think that this realization will open up new doors, not only in my relationships like I said, but in almost all other areas too.

My worry of never being able to love (or at least thinking that I'd have to wait most of my life) had a lot to do with the worry that I am too logical, and that I don't feel as much emotion as much as I "should". I feel like the epiphany I had yesterday will start to let me let go of my almost compulsive worry of being "too logical".

For example, I had gotten interested recently in less mainstream stuff like Intention-Manifestation, but whenever I thought about it I always worried that even if it was possible, maybe I simply couldn't do it if I tried because I don't "feel" enough. I feel like I will slowly let go of that (and it will take a while, because the feeling has been with me most of my life), and let myself try new things that have to do with emotion without doubting mysely nearly as much as I used to.

I feel like this will slowly but surely change me for the better. I will grow immensely as I get more used to knowing that I can love and feel, just like anybody else.

I told my girlfriend all of this. I told her that even if we do break up eventually, I will keep this change with me all of my life, and she had a big part in it. She has helped me poke a hole in this huge bag of doubt in my mind, and I am free now to let it slowly leak out of me.

I have been feeling great today and yesterday. I still feel a little bit uncomfortable when I try to share an emotional moment with my girlfriend, but I know that that is mostly because it's kind of a habit, and I also know that soon I will be able to look her in the eyes, smile, and just enjoy what I have with her, sans the doubt that I'm used to. I'm excited for that, and I can't wait. Already I can tell I'm moving toward there--I haven't really cried since elementary school, but now I find myself tearing up at emotional points in our conversations, like I did when I told her I loved her and really meant it for the first time.

Sorry the post is so long... just kept thinking of new things I wanted to say.