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Originally Posted by wolfgang  So you can feel the effect of "mixing polarities", it sounds like. I wondered if you could elaborate on the two feeling sets that are involved. |
Well, to be honest, again, I am not certain if the "attitudes" or states of mind I am observing in myself are polarities. I have noticed them for years and they create a battle in me in relationships and I struggle to get away from the bad one. One feels very bad and leads me to feeling a fear of loss (of the person)/abandonment and depression and it sometimes creates a desperate gripping feeling in me, the other one is good, freeing and fills me with a feeling of love and sincere concern for the person and it feels warm and wonderful. Note that these are experiences I have had only in serious relationships.
I can feel when I do something, for example, from the bad state of mind, the fear one, because I can feel (an emotional) gripping in me. The gripping feeling makes me want to do something to reassure myself about the security of the relationship. The more I feel the relationship or the person slipping away, the more intense and desperate the feeling becomes. Contrarily, the feeling of love has the opposite effect. It has a light and joyful, freeing and releasing feeling, exactly the opposite of the gripping fear.
These may be reflective of each polarity, I don't know, but the way I experience them, they are really to the extreme in their respective directions and do seem to resemble the polarities (of love and fear at least).
I can add, too, that I have now listed the motives I have for the intention I made, and I concluded that I honestly can't distinguish the polarities of my motives
. I tend to get very confused and lost if I try to analyze things too much. It makes it difficult to understand anything intellectually, but I don't know what to do about it. I just try. I can only make do with the abilities I have.