Oldsoul - In my opinion/experience, having a good, healthy marital sex life is the natural manifestation of a good, healthy marriage. No sex in a marriage is rarely the problem, but rather the symptom of a deeper, underlying issue.
Are there other (undealt with) issues in your marriage that are resulting in the physical disconnect?
As Lychee said, you want something from her and she is not giving it to you. Is there something she wants from you that you are not giving?
I understand and admire your committment (been there, done that - for longer than a year, Steve
and yes, I DID explode!
) but ultimately I have to agree with Steve's comments. Your wife has already checked out of the marriage. It's supremely difficult if not completely pointless to attempt to continue or resurrect a marriage from which one person has already resigned. At the very least, resentment on both sides will do you in before long.
Consider the questions above as well as the other excellent comments from other posters, read the books, weigh the facts, but know that you DO have a right to expect and have a happy, healthy, mutually fulfilling and frequent sex life. And as far as the kids are concerned, I understand your reluctance to break up the family, but consider the effects on them of parents that don't care for each other and the example that sets.
If you only knew how I empathize with your situation. I wish you clarity and peace in working through this.