lol this forum feels like an Oprah meeting, but I will try to give you the upliftment with your own Source that you need.
You are very intense and passionate. I see it in your eyes. There's a fire there.
Girl let's be real! You need a man that is man enough to handle you. Man enough to 'take you' in other words. I see you even with a guy that's laid-back, to complement you- as you seem like a person that's tense and high strung about a lot of stuff.
Somebody that is not scared of your fire, and is not fiery as well (so you feel competitive) but somebody that absorbs your fire in themselves and really likes it! A complement.
You like a little drama and fun in life, you love when interesting and even sad things happen, and so your mate needs to be the same way.
Opposites don't attract, and similarities don't attract, but complements do attract. People that upgrade you when you're already self-confident and whole. So the more honest you get with you, the more your lover will come. I think you've identified how you've been your own worst enemy pretty well so just be real!
They have to be different enough to cover up your weaknesses, but same enough to understand your heart.