[ArthurHung]

For the longest time, I falsely saw myself as a darkworker at a high level of consciousness and thought that this mentality protected me from negative emotions. I can’t say that it didn’t, but my unconscious kept giving me hints that something was wrong. I foolishly and steadfastly ignored this feeling within me, which added self-doubt to my actions and sabotaged my efforts in everything that I did (in various degrees). I exacerbated my problem by holding two darkworkers to overly high esteem: Friedrich Nietzsche (author of The Will To Power) and Robert Greene (author of 48 Laws of Power).

I was definitely a cynic in the past. I’ve lost friends because of this reason. I was a truly horrible person, projecting my doubts at many people as they talked to me. In fact, since I did it so much, I eventually tricked myself into thinking that I enjoyed being like this. I even wanted to write a satire blog because of it. I’m glad I never did. Since I created intentions that self-help material couldn’t help me, I found that sometimes I would refuse to finish a book that I had spent hard earned money on, though I knew deep down it would help me. I often reached a point while reading where I asked “What’s the point? This author is only writing this to make money off the masses anyways, there is simply no other explanation for it.”

Sure, there are authors that do that. I wasn’t wrong. But was it worth convincing myself to hold onto this negative attitude? Was it worth letting these negative intentions flow into my actions, causing me such unhappiness?

Now obviously, the answer is no.