I posted another topic in this section called "I don't love her (anymore?)" (or something similar), and this topic is in a way a continuation of that one, but far enough removed to be another topic, I think.
I have dated my girlfriend for a year and a half, and recently, I told her I wanted a break because I was unsure I still loved her. I had started to feel uncomfortable saying "I love you too" because I just wasn't sure if it was true--and I didn't want her to think i loved her when I didn't.
So anyway, we talked today. We'd both had time think, and as we talked, I realized some things, roughly in this order:
The first thing is that I have been holding the meaning of the word "love" so high that it would be nearly impossible to reach.
The next thing I thought was that I have been worrying so much whether what I feel is love or not, that I haven't really given myself a chance to love at all. This also has to do with a problem I have with worrying whether I'm too logical, and just kind of a "robot" with little or no real feelings. I realized that a big part of the problem was probably that I am simply worrying about it all too much.
And the last, most improtant realization: Throughout our relationship, I've often felt the impulse to say I Love You at random times, when I felt a certain good something. The impulse came naturally to me, and I followed it--and yet, for some reason I didn't think that feeling was love. I guess I thought love would be something else. But as we were talking today, I felt that same feeling and urge, getting stronger each time it came. And I started thinking, maybe that feeling has been love all along. As the thought circled in my head, it made more sense. If that's not love, then what is it, and what would love feel like? It made more and more sense to me that that was love, and after a little bit longer, I said to her "I love you"--and for the first time, I really, really meant it, without any doubts. I
knew I loved her. It felt great. Needless to say, we are back together, and I am glad I took this break. I can be with her in a way that I couldn't ever before, because my doubt about how I felt was always lingering.
When I got home, I talked to a good friend of mine. My feelings for her had always been confused too, but because of my thoughts earlier today, I told her that I love her too. In a different way, of course, but I love her.
I feel like this simple realization opens up a whole new corridor of doors for my existing and future relationships. I just thought I'd share this story with a group of people who I think will understand and be happy for me.
