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I'm not married, but I have strong views about this. You are not expecting too much and you should not just "get over it." Sex is a normal part of a relationship and I think many women don't understand that. I am a woman, btw. A lot of women think of sex as just something a man wants for fun, but it's much more than that. Sex is the way a man gives and receives affection.
Masturbation isn't the same because it's the closeness to your wife that you want. If you have told her that and she doesn't get it, I feel really badly for you. I wouldn't blame you at all if you went elsewhere to get it, but I admire that that's not your style also. Ths is a very sad situation.
The truth is your wife is not acting lke a wife. This is one example of why women cannot have it all. I don't know if your wife works or not but you have 2 young kids and if she does work, she is just putting too much on herself. I know you mentioned you're in debt and she probably has to work. (assuming child care doesn't cancel out her income). With the stress you are both under, sex should be what you both go to to feel better.

I don't know what advice to give you. I'm going to recommend something and I will probably get a lot of flack for it, but "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" (Book) to share with your wife. Better yet I would suggest you and your wife call the Dr. Laura (author of the book) show together, cuz your wife doen't care what you say. She needs someone else to knock some sense into her. Before she knows it 16 years will be gone and so will you.

I hope this helps a little...at least to know that a female sympathizes with you.
Good luck.